Butterflies & Old Crush

I was looking at an old crush on Facebook tonight.  When I say old crush, I mean... a crush boy from junior high and high school.  Like 15-17 years ago!  And you know what's crazy? I still get butterflies looking at his pictures.  He's not someone you'd picture me having a crush on, but boy did I ever like that guy.  I wrote about him in my journal and told every little detail from dancing with him at a school dance or whatever.  And here we are in our 30's and I'm still crushing over him like a 12 year old.  That one will never go anywhere.  I promise.  And that's okay.

But there are other crushes from the past that still make my stomach flip.  Or heart jump.  Or cheeks go red.

I can remember the exact moments of where I saw them or feeling so nervous to talk to them.  Or taking note of every little detail of the memory.

That doesn't happen anymore.

I never feel sparks like that.  Like, ever.

So what's my deal?  Of course I still like boys.  Of course I think some are attractive.  But I miss that fun feeling of just LIKING THEM SO MUCH you couldn't think straight.  Or sleep.  Or function.

But maybe life isn't supposed to be like that.  Maybe all those feelings aren't even real or good.

Or are they?

Now don't go thinking I'm not married because I've been passing on boys if I don't feel that spark.  That's not the case at all.  I've gone on multiple dates with boys of all different kinds and sometimes I feel something more than others.  But of any of the boys I have met, dated, or semi-dated in the past 10 years... I think only 1 really gave me those butterfly feelings.  That was in 2005.  It was a short summer fling but oh how I liked him.  A lot.

When I'm in love one day and find a husband-- if that happens-- I want to feel butterflies when I see him.  Not because he's so dang hot I can hardly stand it, but because he's just so attractive and GOOD and wonderful that I feel so lucky he's mine.  Those kind of butterflies.  I know that exists for some people.  And I'm happy for them.

Here's to butterflies.