Dating 101... Learning as I Go

Okay.  So anyone who knows me, knows that talking to guys, dating, and being normal friends with guys isn't my forte.  They intimidate me.  They make me nervous.  I feel like my personality fades and I become this empty, lifeless human when I'm around them.  And I've never had a REAL boyfriend before... someone who I really cared about and who cared about me in return.  I've gone on plenty of dates and had my crushes.  I've "dated" people and kissed and held hands, but I've never experienced that mutual feeling of "Wow, this is nice relationship" kind of thing.  

I'm 31.

If I ever hope to get married some day, I at least need to practice having a boyfriend, right?  Like, practice sharing my time with someone and not being "Miss Independent" and trusting my feelings with a boy and looking forward to the moment when I get to see him again.  These are all the things I would like to encounter in my quest to finding my soul-mate husband. :)  And if that boy ends up being the lucky man of my dreams... good for me.  And if he isn't... good for me for at least having that experience to help me practice.

So I'm trying to "practice".  And by practice, I mean... just giving it a chance.

I was set up on a blind date (not so blind date details here).  We'll call him Soccer Boy.  It went pleasantly well and it was the first date (in my collection of many set-ups) that I actually hoped to go out with him again.

We went up into American Fork canyon and made a fire to cook our dinner.  He let me be in charge of the fire, and although I felt like I knew what I was doing... his skills definitely got the fire started for real.  Not just the fake-out kind where the flames are going and then they've all burned out 10 seconds later.  But I was glad he let me try at least.  

He brought fixings for tin-foil dinners with steak, potatoes, and carrots.  Delicious!  I was totally content.

It was a fun evening and we talked a lot.  We also made these delicious caramel apple desserts on the little grills where I live, and later watched a movie.  So our first date lasted 8 hours... a little long one might think, and it WAS long.  But I figured we were getting along well and it was a fun night.

Overall conclusion:  He was attractive, fun, energetic, and friendly.  Yes, I'd go out with him again.

He asked me out again a few days later to a mid-night showing of the new Harry Potter movie. dun dun dun. I had actually been hoping to finish reading the book first, and at that point I had 4 days to do it.  Read 759 pages in 4 days, while working full-time?!  Not likely.  By Thursday night I made it to page 605 and was exhausted, so I quit.  But at least I'd read enough to make me really look forward to seeing the movie.

I was sooo tired.  We both live in Orem.  He picked me up at 11:20pm and told me we were going to the Jordan Commons theater.  (what?!)  That made me so tired just thinking about the long drive, I wanted to barf.  But we made it just in time, only to find out that his friends were at the Jordan LANDING theater (in West Jordan, not Sandy).  Crazy!  Miraculously, after sprinting through parking lots and in and out of Harry Potter costumed crowds, we made it to the right theater just in time for the movie to start.  At least all that running and excitement woke me up a little.

I love movie treats!  I asked him a few days before the movie what kind of movie candy he liked.  His first answer was "Dots."  GROSS!  He also mentioned a few others that weren't so bad, and I gave him a hard time about the Dots.  But I told him I'd surprise him with some candy choices, and I happened to go to Shop-ko and take advantage of a great sale!  So I brought Reese's Pieces (my favorite), Milk Duds, Jr. Mints, Dots (gross), Starburst, and Mike & Ike's.  I know I know.  That is A LOT of candy.  But it was fun to have such a wide variety to snack on during the movie.  I usually love popcorn also but we were in a huge rush and I didn't want to be a burden. :)

So I loved the movie, only I was super tired.  The drive home was tough to stay awake in and I dozed off towards the end.  I got home at 3:30am and was probably kind of grouchy.

Overall conclusion:  I didn't feel as interested in him as I was the first time.  The conversation was okay but the night just seemed kind of "blah" and I was a little disappointed.  Bummer.

At this point in the game, I could easily just cut off my emotions, not care at all and think, "Ah, that second date wasn't all that great... I'm done."  And that's that. Nothing to it.  But this is that "practice" part I'm talking about.  I really need to invest time and effort into getting to know a boy, and giving it enough time to allow me to really know him as a person and appreciate (or not appreciate) who he is.  So as I've been getting to know him, I'm trying to liken the situation to any normal friend, not just a boy.  If you meet a person and hang out with them twice, you might not be able to know how close you will be come, or what you might secretly have in common, or what future experience will really bind your hearts together.  I love reflecting on past friendships and how I crossed paths with significant people in my life... and most of these friendships took good time developing.  So I need to allow myself to do that with a boy.  Preferably a boy I'd like to go on dates with and stuff, and it just so happens that Soccer Boy is the one in this situation.  But he probably has no idea I have to walk myself through it, step by step, so I don't freak out and peace out all in one day.  

We text random things to each other every now and then.  Both of us have said we don't want to just be text people... but during the day when everything is busy and hectic, a text is friendly and convenient, as opposed to a phone call. So that's been fun.

I decided I would take the initiative to ask him to go on a date this week, since I knew when he was working and which day would be most open for me.  Thursday.  I shared a few ideas with him and he ended up choosing Trafalga, which he had never been to.  The bonus of this date is I have the PASS OF ALL PASSES so I get in for free.  And I offered to pay for him-- since it was my date idea-- but of course he declined the offer and said he'd pay for himself.

I am really liking this pass!  Not only does it allow me to entertain my nephews, but it provided some great entertainment for us tonight.  Free game of mini-golf ($3 for Soccer Boy) and unlimited pitches in the batting cages-- I think I pulled a muscle in my ham-string and maybe my back. Haha, old lady!  But we had a really good time, and even though Trafalga is a cliche date place and everyone and their mom goes there... it was a fun setting and easy and comfortable for me to talk to him.  I needed that environment.  

He later suggested getting appetizers somewhere, and we decided on Texas Roadhouse.  Mmmm mmmm.  I could eat that bread for DAYS!  We each chose an appetizer, talked some more, had a fun waitress, and it was another comfortable environment to talk in.  

We have yet to make the s'mores we were going to make on date 1, but now it's like an on-going unscheduled date.  So I guess there will be a next time.  Still.

Overall conclusion after date #3:  I find him attractive.  He is a gentleman and opens my doors and lets me walk in first.  He's nice to talk to and, so far, seems like a good guy.  I'd like to go out again.

I've already thought of things we could do together, or other events that are coming up in the near future... but I'm trying my best to just CHILL and not take the initiative.  That was always my approach in the past-- I'm a go-getter-- but obviously that has never worked out in my favor.  So instead, I'm going to take a few steps back and see what he comes up with, or see how he goes about finding a way to spend more time together.  

This is dating 101, live, with Bree.  Stay tuned for more...