Losing My Mind

I had to laugh at myself when 3 things happened tonight that made me seem like a complete idiot.  And they happened all within 1 hour, so by the time I got home, I thought, "Wow... I'm a mess!"   So here's where it starts:

Scenario #1

I was driving home from a long day (maybe that's why my mind was gone) and decided to stop at Wendy's around 10:30pm.  I went through the drive-thru and when I pulled up to the window, one of my teens from the Club was working one of the registers inside.  She cheerfully said, "Hey Bree!"  It caught me off guard but I greeted her warmly and was thinking, "I'm so happy some of these teens actually get jobs. Another lady handed me my bag of food and this teen girl gave me my Frosty.  I kept talking to her as more Frosty's appeared on the counter at the window.  Other workers kept looking out at me.  It was like an awkward, lingering conversation and I couldn't figure out why.  I asked her how late she had to work, "ahh, that's not too bad" blah blah blah and asked how she'd been doing.  All the while, I was waiting for my food-- which was sitting in my passenger seat and totally spaced it.  Finally the teen girl mutters to the other lady in Spanish, "Did you give her the food?" and I suddenly looked over and saw it there in my car.  IDIOT!  So I was like, "Oh yeah! I have it!  Uh, thanks, bye" and drove away fast because I was totally embarrassed.

Scenario #2

Before I got home I stopped at Target to get ingredients for my "assignment" for Thanksgiving dinner.  It must've been close to 11pm when I walked in.  I was chatting away on my phone and wandered up and down the aisles as I gradually loaded my arms with cans of vegetables, soup, etc.  I later found myself in the pet aisle and I browsed the different doggy treats and chewy bones to give to Sadie.  I went back to the original aisles and made sure I had all my ingredients... debated getting special treats and decided not to... grabbed some bananas instead... and finally made my way over to the registers.  There were a few cop guys helping store workers set up barricades in the aisles and what not.  I thought, "Hmm... that seems a little early to be doing that."  As I walked past the registers I didn't see any of the lights on and felt rather frustrated that not a single register was open!  Suddenly I turned to an employee lady and asked, "Are you closed?!"  Yep, they were.  And here I was standing with my arms completely full... the only customer in the store.  How did I miss that?  How did I just saunter in like I owned the place?  Luckily there was a super nice girl that jumped on a register and rang up my items.  I glanced at my watch.  11:20pm.  Target closes at 11:00pm!  HILARIOUS.  I couldn't believe it.  So I chuckled to myself as I walked out to my car.  Wow Bree, 2 for 2!

Scenario #3

Finally I was actually driving home, just a few blocks away.  I stopped at a red light, looked both ways, and rolled forward and drove right through the intersection.  Only I caught myself and realized I'd just run a red light when I was about half-way through.  The best part about this one is Cassity totally did the same thing a week ago!!  I was riding in the car with her and she treated a red light like a stop sign.  As she pulled forward through the intersection I was like, "RED LIGHT!"  But it was too late.  We laughed.  Only tonight it was just me.  And I did it.  And I laughed and thought, "Wow... that was a ridiculous series of events on my way home tonight."  I'll blame it on my lack of sleep and an overload of stress this week.

I'm very grateful for a 4 day weekend! :)

"Planking" Pictures

In the past month or so I've noticed a growing "fad" that is pretty much the dumbest thing ever.  It is called "planking."  Click HERE for an explanation of what it is and why people do it.


But here's the thing:  I totally love it.  It makes me laugh out loud.  I've  had some friends post "plank pics" on Facebook and even saw Justin Bieber plank pics a while back. Haha.  It's just so random but you'd be surprised at how fun it is.


I took a group of teens to explore BYU campus today. We had a blast and kept ourselves totally entertained.  We visited the Bean science museum, art museum, dorms, and other various buildings on campus.  One of my teens decided to do a plank pic laying on the floor of the art museum.  I was like, "Pssst!  Get up!"  I didn't want the security guards to think we were too rowdy.  But it was super funny seeing this girl lying face down on the floor so her friend could take a picture.


It was the beginning of a long day of planking. Here are a few examples.

That last statue one made me nervous (even though I told her to do it) because there were landscape workers nearby-- they kept eyeing us and I didn't want to get in trouble.  But at least now you have an idea of how their creative minds were working all day.  :)


Maybe I'm just totally immature-- well, that is already probably true-- but a good planking pic does make me chuckle.  May we all plank merrily through the holiday season and capture those perfect planking moments.

Knowledge is Power

I love this quote.

I've been wanting to write about my experience with learning and being in school again, and this explains it perfectly.  Just in the past week, it's as if I can physically feel my mind expanding, and I can acknowledge that I am really learning and absorbing new ideas.  It's amazing and exciting!  I have never considered myself intelligent, smart, or educated.  Even though I had a bachelor's degree, I felt like I was kind of a joke when it came to "smart people" things.  But guess what world... I am slowly escaping that self-inflicted restriction and realizing that my mind is capable of embracing and understanding a lot of things.  Sometimes it's like my head is swirling with information as I try to process or make sense of it.  And once it all fits and I understand, I feel happy and accomplished!  

I feel confident in my class and don't shy away at responding to questions or offering my opinions.  In the past, I haven't been a very opinionated person, completely agreeable in so many areas.  But in this class especially (multicultural issues and diversity), I have to explore my own biases and views and take a stand on several issues.  It's good for me to think deeply about sensitive topics and evaluate how I really feel.  Granted, it's still hard some times and I know my views might change over time... but I love learning and applying the teachings to my little growing brain.

I never thought I would want to get a master's degree; I never thought I'd want to go back to school nearly 10 years after graduating the first time.  I never thought I'd really feel smart.  I'm glad I'm proving myself wrong.  

The Best Person Ever

I found this in my desk today:

I will totally keep this forever.  :)

My Life: Then & Now

(All photos presented are not my own, but random photos in google images.)

This was my dream car when I was a kid.

A yellow Geo Storm. I was such a stud.

This was my first car.

'89 Toyota Tercel

We had it in California and then it traveled up to Utah to serve as Brittney's car while she was at BYU.  It was a stick-shift.  I loved it.

Meanwhile, my family moved to Pennsylvania and I got to drive this:

 '91 Oldsmobile Cutlas Cruiser

Seriously, nothing about this wood-paneled station wagon should be related to the word "cruiser"... but whatever.It got the job done. I still remember the smell of it. Makes me think of long family roadtrips and feeling car-sick.  You better believe I sat facing backwards in the very back seat, too! Not while driving, of course. :)

I was 16 yrs old when I got in a scary car accident, spun across 3 lanes and crashed into a fire hydrant.  Needless to say... that was the end of my "cruising" days.  My dad kept the wood-paneled door frame with the hole in it-- I guess as a souvenir-- and it's hanging in our garage.

My dad thinks I crashed the car on purpose so I wouldn't have to drive it anymore.  Not true.

But I did get to drive my dad's '86 Ford Ranger for a while.

It even had a bed cover like that.  Looks cool but it's a pain if you actually need to put things in the back.  It was a stick-shift and fun to drive-- especially on all the winding country roads and rolling hills.

Finally it was my turn to go to BYU and drive the Tercel again.

Good memories & lots of fun.  I called it Petey.  I graduated from BYU and had to move back to PA after getting sick.  I had arthritis in my hands and wrists and couldn't drive the truck because of the stick shift.  

So my dad had this car waiting for me when I got home:

'87 Toyota Corolla.  $900

But mine was a dark forest green-- almost black-- with a flat/matte finish.  I drove it for a few months and it was perfect while my arthritis faded away.  I called it the Green Pea.

My sisters were in a car accident over Thanksgiving break in Utah.  Petey was totaled.  No more Tercel college car.

Sometimes I drove my dad's '86 Toyota Supra for fun.

After about a year of working full-time after college, I was ready to buy my own car.  The Green Pea wasn't going to last much longer.

I quickly became obsessed with the '03 Toyota Matrix.

On my lunch breaks I would drive to the Toyota car dealership and drive up and down the rows of cars, peek in the windows of the Matrix and just drool over everything about it.  I loved the shape, the color, the rear lights, the interior, the back seats that folded down into a flat bed, the front... EVERYTHING.  I test drove a few cars but once I drove the Matrix it was all over.  I was in love.

So I bought it (probably shouldn't have but I was too obsessed) and loved that car with all my heart.  I took our dog, Phoebe, with me everywhere and this car was more than just a car.  I named it Max.  

*sigh*

Then I decided to serve a full-time mission and had to sell my dream car.  Luckily a family friend bought it so Max was still nearby while I was on my mission.  My parents would give me updates on "Max sightings" and let me know that he was doing okay.  I missed him.

Before my mission, my dad bought this car from my friend:

2001 VW Jetta.  So when I got back from my mission and this car was hanging out in the driveway... it made sense that I should be its new owner.  (Even though I really wanted Max back, I knew it wasn't financially possible, so I just dealt with it).  My mom was driving the Jetta (named "Alfie" by previous owner) and she really liked it.  But I made a business transaction with my dad and bought it like a real grown-up.  I drove Alfie out to Utah 2 months after coming home from my mission, and that brings us to the present.

Alfie is a good car and has done a great job making the 35 minute one-way commute every day.  He's small and easy to handle.  I usually drive with my knees and sit very comfortably. :)  

But I will admit that I miss Max like crazy and would give up Alfie in a second if I had a chance to trade for a Matrix again.  However, I'm trying to just be content and happy with my current situation.

Lately I've become a little obsessed with the Honda CR-V.

I just really love the look of it.  Similar to the Matrix but more of a small "SUV" type of car.  I can't afford it.. I haven't even looked up any info on it because I know I won't buy it.  I just get excited when I see one on the road.  I get even more excited when I see a Matrix.

But for now, it's me and Alfie and we're doing just fine. :)

Happy Thought

"While in the pursuit of happiness, 

one should stop, and just be happy..."

(Amen!)

My Social Life

I realized something today.  The time I spend with teens at the Boys & Girls Club totally fulfills my social life.  Is that weird?  Maybe a little.  But here's the thing.  I come alive at the Club.  I get to be whoever I want to be-- ultimately ME-- and be accepted by everyone.  I've gotten to know a lot of teens over the past 2 1/2 years:  I have a good rapport with the rowdy boys who try to test me with inappropriate jokes or "almost" swearing-- they know I won't put up with their crap;  I get along well with the happy-go-lucky teens who don't necessarily need me but know that I'm there; I adore the teens who come into my office daily and stay there to talk and tell me about their day;  Currently I connect well with our 15+ homeless teens who have really crappy circumstances.  I talk to them like they're any other kid, reach out to them to show my compassion, and make sure I'm a positive adult in their lives;  I match my sassiness with the sassy girls who create drama and wear way too much perfume-- but I'm kind and don't hold it against them and still offer a smile and a friendly greeting;  I can be friends with the "popular" teens and talk to them about their busy lives and reflect on how intimidated I would've been 15 years ago;  I fit in with the cocky athletic kids who think they're the bomb and hold their heads high;  I even manage to befriend the annoying smelly teens who really drive me crazy, but who probably need me more than anyone else.  I'm surrounded by so many random personalities, backgrounds, and behaviors, and I'm blessed to have so many friends at the Club.

I do call them my friends.  I know there is a distinct line between "authority" and "friendship" and I respect and abide by that.  I also know it is possible to create meaningful relationships with many of these teens I see daily, and we become equally important in one another's lives.

So here is where my epiphany came from:
All the teens were buzzing about "free admission" night at Classic Skate for all the middle school students.  Not that I'd really want to go hang out at a skating rink with 7th-9th graders, but I could totally be content just hanging out with teens from the Club.  I enjoy their personalities.  They make me laugh hard every day.  We talk about real things.  And they make me feel like I'm actually cool, funny, and pretty.  :)

That's when it clicked-- these teens are my social life, as pathetic as that may be.  I have 4-5 hours every day to talk, laugh, and play with a variety of people in small or large groups.  I get to talk to whoever I want.  I get to wear whatever I want and still be accepted.  I get to bust out a random dance move walking through a door way and not feel stupid.  I get to teach and feel knowledgeable.  I get to share my own passions and have people listen.  Seriously, it's the best little social circle ever.

And that's why I'm totally content coming home on a Friday night with absolutely NO plans.  My "non-work" life mostly consists of spending time with my family or Cassity, my one and only roommate.  After such energetic and exhausting days at the Club... it's kind of nice to just come home and literally do nothing.  Or write a blog post.  Or just sit in my jammy pants and feel totally content.  If there's some dance going on down the street, I don't know about it.  If there's a hoppin' party at someone's house nearby... yeah, I didn't hear about it.  I'm kind of in my own little hermit-land, yet I love to be around people.  My social life has just kind of flip-flopped for the time being.

I'm grateful I have Cassity and appreciate the random adventures we go on.  I know it would probably be different if there were  2 or 3 others who lived with us.  We'd have people over more often and maybe even a few random boys would cross our paths every now and then.  But a 2 bedroom condo gives room enough for 2, and a little dog, and we have our happy quiet life.

Social butterflies by day... hermits by night.

So I thought to myself today:  Crap, I really am never going to get married.  Since I certainly won't be marrying anyone from the Boys & Girls Club.... my dating options are super limited.

I'm just kind of banking on those good 'ol set-ups that come through every now and then.

At the moment... my dating status is absolutely dead.

But I will say this:  I love my teens so much and really do have a blast with them.  Today a girl told me she wants me to be her counselor instead of the old lady counselor at her school.  (haha)  So we had a few fun "counseling" sessions here and there.  I helped another girl find her shoe that a hyper boy hid in the pool table;  I recruited girls for my "all girl" dodge ball team and called us the "Soul Surfers"-- we lost all our games and were the first ones eliminated from the tournament.  Oh well!  I gave out 10 otter pops and 5 McDonald's smoothies for recognition awards to awesome teens.  I threw chocolate milk cartons across the gym to kids who wanted a second one.  I accidentally missed and hit some little kid at a table.  I talked to a girl about why she's the bomb and why we've nominated her to be one of our "Youth of the Year" candidates.  I half-jokingly tried to put my fav teen's hair in a ponytail, all the while admitting that I'm terrible at doing hair and embarrassed for my own kids' hair one day.  I laughed with teens as they showed me funny videos on their cell phones they'd taken at the Club.  I ate a purple pancake teens created in the kitchen. I got to talk to a Mom and proudly announced that her daughter was chosen as our Youth of the Month.

That's just a sneak peak at what a normal day at the Club is like for me.  Social life fulfilled?  Yes.

I'll keep you posted on the whole getting married thing.

Week 6-- *I PASSED!*

Best quote of the night: "We decided that even if you came in here and bombed this tonight, we still would have passed you."

I feel so good right now! I PASSED!  Holy crap, I was so nervous all day long.  Mostly because of how rocky class went for me last week.  But for real!  I passed!  And it gets better...

My instructor told me that my paper (from a few weeks ago) was at the top of the class, and another instructor said my oral presentation was their favorite.  They said I have the greatest foundation and experience coming into the program and they know I'm going to be a good counselor.  *Relief!*
They were so nice and complimentary.  They told me I'm a natural leader and look forward to having me in their classes. One said he looks forward to having me as a colleague in the future.  Awesome.

I even told my instructor how much she rocked me last week and my confidence was totally shaken.  She began to apologize, but I quickly thanked her for being tough on me because it caused me to practice tons throughout the week, study, and really learn what I had been over-looking from before.  I also asked if I could give her a hug before I left. Haha.

And to close with one more lovely quote, when I walked into the room (I was the last person to go tonight), one of the instructors said, "I think we saved the best for last."  I felt much better after that. :)

School counseling master's program-- the real deal-- here I come.

Thank you for believing in me.

Nervous...

Not so much scared.

More like nervous.

But I like this picture because that's how I feel.

Tonight is that dreaded class where I have to do my mock counseling session with 3 observers watching me.  After my confidence-shaking class last week, I feel SUPER nervous and inadequate. My stomach is doing flips and I feel sick.

After the 5-10 min. interview, they will stop me, review my grades for my paper and oral presentation a few weeks ago, and tell me if I passed or failed this assessment class.  Barf.  I'm so nervous.

I wish I could just sail right through and feel solid.

I feel shaky and unsure of anything at this point.

Trying to keep my chin up and make it through the day!

My interview is at 7:35pm.

I'll give a report after I'm done. :)