Wow. In the last 7 months I have only posted TWICE on this blog. Where has the time gone?! I decided I wanted to get back into writing here, regardless of who reads it. My mind is usually spinning with thoughts and ideas and I might as well get them down somewhere.
I guess we shouldn't be surprised that I haven't written in my journal for over 3 months. That's not like me either! I am a huge believer of journals and love to go back and read about my ridiculous life. I have re-committed myself to write in my journal at least once a week. Sundays are always good for that. When I went home to PA last week I made it a goal to bring back the rest of my journals. I came back with 5 or 6 large-size hardback journals, which I kept from my last year in high school into my adventures at BYU. Those were crazy times. Friends, crushes, late nights, school, road trips… the good life. I guess not much has changed, other than less dating stories. :)
This will be a post of randomness. Feel free to stop reading at any moment.
Airports.
You know what I love most about airports? Snacks. I love checking in, going through security, finding my gate, and then wandering around to look for the food options. I love airport mornings, especially, because I can usually find a good egg & cheese bagel or croissant breakfast sandwich. Yum. On my most recent flight, which was in the afternoon, I got a super long Auntie Anne's pretzel-wrapped hotdog right before my flight. I only had time to eat a few bites so I brought it on the plane with me. I could just imagine the thoughts going through the head of the person on either side of me-- "Seriously? She's eating a hotdog on the plane? I'm going to barf." But I did it anyway. I pulled out my hotdog wrapped in foil and ate some sneaky bites here and there. Even thought it wasn't warm or fresh anymore… it was still a delicious snack. :)
Sidenote: There were no crying babies on that plane ride. Miracle.
Guitar lessons.
I started teaching guitar lessons in August. I am loving it and look forward to acquiring more students in the near future. I don't claim to be a professional guitar player, but I do love playing, and love to help others learn. This is something I attempted to implement at the Boys & Girls Club but it was always so crazy and nearly impossible to give individual attention to kids. Now that I can sit down for 30 minutes one-on-one with someone… it is awesome. It's so exciting to go from plucking simple notes of "Ode to Joy"… to playing chords and singing normal songs. Yay! I prefer to teach lessons in the student's home but have taught some in my apartment as well. The holidays make it fun and I love the cheesiness of strumming chords to "Jingle Bells" and "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"… along with a lovely picking version of "Silent Night." I love that I have been able to make music a more prominent part of my life.
Chick-Fil-A.
I'm totally obsessed. There I go talking about food again…
Books & Movies.
I love a good movie inspired by the original book. I'm not super critical about the whole "Ohhh the movie didn't follow the book" kind of argument. I really enjoy reading and get lost in my world of images, characters, emotions, and adventures. And then I'm always excited to see how the movie producers make that book come alive. You know the books: Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Twilight, The Help, Ender's Game, etc. I always want to read the book first before spoiling my imagination with the movie version, but I end up really liking both. Let's be honest though-- the book is usually better than the movie! Next on the list is "The Book Thief." I didn't even know this was a movie until I saw the previews for "Catching Fire." And I thought, "Crap, now I need to hurry and read that book before I see the movie!" I've had it for a year but just haven't read it yet. Time to get busy. :)
iPhone5s.
I love my phone and don't know how I lived without it. Texting. Instagram. E-mail. Facebook. It's perfect. I have a bright pink case-- which is totally unlike me-- but it makes me happy.
Winter.
I love snowboarding and even enjoy skiing. I love wearing hoodies and coats and sweats and warm clothes. However, I am a huge wimp in the cold weather. I will not go snowboarding if it's super windy and cold because that's just miserable. I shoveled the snow off my grandma's driveway yesterday while listening to music and it was peaceful and wonderful. So overall, I'm a fan of winter and don't mind the snow. Just don't make me stand outside in weather below 40. :)
Anyway… those are my thoughts for now. I promise my posts will be a little more purposeful in the future. I just wanted to make my presence known. Turns out, I'm still alive!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Once upon a time I finally got an iPhone. My life is forever changed and I LOVE IT!!! I've had it for about 2 months and I am constantly using this little device for social, work, church, school... EVERYTHING! :)
I am so happy with my iPhone.
And I have a bright pink Otterbox case for it.
PINK??! yep. Pink.
I can finally download apps and connect with the rest of the world.
I am MOST OBSESSED with these 2 apps:
I love being able to take pics and post them within just a few seconds! Love it.
I also love Snapchat. It's so random and I love being creative.
Always a fun surprise when someone sends me a snapchat. :)
These are some other apps I use a lot:
I love text messages!!!
To make creative picture collages for instagram
I'm not a huge "gamer" but I love playing this with people I know. :)
Facebook! Quick and easy.
Gotta love random music videos.
LDS Gospel Library. I love that you can look up everything! Scriptures, talks, etc.
I love "To Do" lists... why not keep one on my phone? :)
Vine is a video app that loops 6 second videos. I'm not totally hooked on this one,
but every now and then I'll find funny videos and watch them over and over again.
So anyway... that's my life in a nutshell.
I don't have a ridiculous amount of apps... nor do I want them. For now.
Maybe down the road I'll keep adding more and more...
I love my phone.
I love taking pictures.
I love texting.
I love music.
I love it all!
*CHEERS*
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Guess Who Built a Garden?
Okay okay... I can't take much credit for this whole garden thing because it totally wasn't my idea. This is Cassity's baby but I helped, so I get to claim a part of it. At least the corner with the green beans because I'll totally eat those. :)
So here's how it all happened.
A friend in our ward told Cassity she had a 4x4 garden box that she wasn't using, and did Cass want to use it? Of course! So it's like she's "renting" the space, only it's free. This is how we spent the majority of our Saturday over Memorial Day weekend, and Cass had it all planned out. She purchased seeds ahead of time, and that day we took a trip to Smith's and Lowes to get transfer plants, compost, soil, and twine.
I always think it's funny when I accompany Cassity to Lowes because I feel like a child. It reminds me of when us kids used to go to Home Depot with my dad-- such a manly store! Seems like the men always love to observe every little hammer and nail and wander way too slow up each aisle. But I like those memories I have with my dad. And I like the smell of wood! Cassity did a good job walking fast and getting right down to business, and I was delighted there was a live popcorn machine there to keep me busy and content. :)
So we began the big project around 1:00pm and got started on the little garden box, located on the side of our friend's driveway.
Step 1: Shovel out the rocks until you have just dirt and ground cover. Harder than it looks!!
So here's how it all happened.
A friend in our ward told Cassity she had a 4x4 garden box that she wasn't using, and did Cass want to use it? Of course! So it's like she's "renting" the space, only it's free. This is how we spent the majority of our Saturday over Memorial Day weekend, and Cass had it all planned out. She purchased seeds ahead of time, and that day we took a trip to Smith's and Lowes to get transfer plants, compost, soil, and twine.
I always think it's funny when I accompany Cassity to Lowes because I feel like a child. It reminds me of when us kids used to go to Home Depot with my dad-- such a manly store! Seems like the men always love to observe every little hammer and nail and wander way too slow up each aisle. But I like those memories I have with my dad. And I like the smell of wood! Cassity did a good job walking fast and getting right down to business, and I was delighted there was a live popcorn machine there to keep me busy and content. :)
So we began the big project around 1:00pm and got started on the little garden box, located on the side of our friend's driveway.
Step 1: Shovel out the rocks until you have just dirt and ground cover. Harder than it looks!!
Step 2: Add a mixture of compost and gardening soil. I liked this part! I felt like I was working on a farm because it smelled like cow manure. I got to do the job with the mini pitchfork of mixing it all together.
Beautiful!
Step 3: Measure the box into 16 squares and pin down the twine in the appropriate places. This created little mini garden plots for each individual vegetable.
I laughed at Cass for buying the "dazzling pink" twine from Lowes. Haha. She would. :)
Step 4: Plant the vegetables! The transfer plants were fun and easy. However, some of the seeds said "pre-soak" on the package and we had no idea for how long. So we let various seeds sit in tiny bowls of water while we prepped the soil. I guess we'll see if they actually grow or not.
We planted peppers, carrots, beans, cantaloupe, cucumbers, tomatoes, swiss chard, and a lettuce.
Step 5: Water the little baby vegetables and feel proud of yourselves!!!
TOTAL PROJECT TIME: 4 hours... not bad! :)
So now Cassity has a new little pet-- the garden-- and she makes sure to water it every day and check up on it. We should give it a name! Our friends joked about us getting little garden trinkets and statues to dress it up. Perhaps Cass can throw a gnome in there. :)
This is a new thing for me. Growing up, we always had tomatoes and strawberries and probably other things growing, but I've never been much of a "fresh garden produce" kind of person. Now I wish I would have paid more attention, and I admire my parents for working so hard to plant our family gardens. :)
Stay tuned for little garden updates!
Sunday, May 19, 2013
From BYU Sports Camps to Football, Family, and Fame!
I have a tendency to ramble, so I'm going to try to keep this short, simple, and sweet. I'll check back at the end to see if I was actually able to do this: *AHEM* ....
BYU SPORTS CAMPS
In 2001 I had one of the best summers of my life; I was a BYU Sports Camp Counselor. After working at the Boys & Girls Club in Provo, and spending a summer at a Boy Scout Camp, this was my first job-related interaction working with teens. I absolutely LOVED it, and it was a huge turning point in the focus of my career. I have loved working with teens ever since.
Anyone who has heard me talk about BYU Sports Camps should recognize 2 of my favorite campers: Annie and Chanel. They were in high school and were complete studs when it came to sports. Both came for the soccer camp, and Annie returned later in the summer for a volleyball camp. I developed immediate connections with these girls (and many others that summer), but I became like a big sister to Annie and Chanel. At different times, both came to visit me at BYU later on, and we have kept in touch over the years.
Annie went on to play volleyball at BYU, and Chanel successfully went up to Utah State on a soccer scholarship. I cherished my memories with these kids and always considered them (and still do) my "little campers." When I met Chanel, she was 16 and we talked about everything, including her high school boyfriend-- Eric, family, church questions, and sports. I tried to help her out however I could and always wanted to make her happy. Her mom was supportive of our "sister friendship" and I often kept in touch with her mom over the years as well.
ERIC WEDDLE
Chanel's high school sweetheart, Eric Weddle, was eventually recruited to play football at the University of Utah. They were no longer dating and I remember the struggles Chanel had through some of those days, but her mom was always hopeful that she and Eric would end up together. During his time at the U, Eric became close to many of his teammates and eventually was baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Chanel had definitely planted an LDS seed during their high school days, but did not have a large part in his conversion. She was grateful he joined the Church and was happy to attend his baptism. A while later, they became acquainted again, eventually started dating, and finally got married. *YAY!!!* I had met Eric a few times when he was younger and was always struck by how polite and handsome he was! It was quite the long love story and I'm so happy their paths crossed again and Chanel and Eric were married in the San Diego temple.
I loved watching Eric play football. He was amazing. I am a complete BYU Cougar fan through and through and feel the boiling rivalry anytime the University of Utah comes around. While Eric was playing for the U, I had already graduated from BYU and was living at home in Pennsylvania. It was common for my parents to catch me watching a U of U football game on TV, which I'm sure made them confused and suspicious. I always tried to catch glimpses of Eric because he was an amazing player, and I loved knowing a little of his background. The only time I have ever watched a U of U football game and secretly hoped they would win was when Eric was playing. But of course, when it comes to BYU vs. U of U, I am always hoping for BLUE to take the victory.
YEARS LATER...
Years went by, I went on a mission, and eventually took a trip out to San Diego, CA when my mission president and his wife came home, July 2009. Their hometown was near San Diego. At that point, Eric Weddle had been drafted to the Chargers and he and Chanel were living in San Diego. Chanel had just barely given birth to their 2nd child, a little boy, and I was delighted to visit them for a few minutes while I was down there.
Even with all the excitement of talking to Eric and congratulating him and Trent on their book, I was most looking forward to visiting with Chanel. She is such a ball of sunshine-- always seems happy, even if she's really not. She has a huge contagious smile and makes me laugh all the time.
BYU SPORTS CAMPS
In 2001 I had one of the best summers of my life; I was a BYU Sports Camp Counselor. After working at the Boys & Girls Club in Provo, and spending a summer at a Boy Scout Camp, this was my first job-related interaction working with teens. I absolutely LOVED it, and it was a huge turning point in the focus of my career. I have loved working with teens ever since.
Anyone who has heard me talk about BYU Sports Camps should recognize 2 of my favorite campers: Annie and Chanel. They were in high school and were complete studs when it came to sports. Both came for the soccer camp, and Annie returned later in the summer for a volleyball camp. I developed immediate connections with these girls (and many others that summer), but I became like a big sister to Annie and Chanel. At different times, both came to visit me at BYU later on, and we have kept in touch over the years.
Annie went on to play volleyball at BYU, and Chanel successfully went up to Utah State on a soccer scholarship. I cherished my memories with these kids and always considered them (and still do) my "little campers." When I met Chanel, she was 16 and we talked about everything, including her high school boyfriend-- Eric, family, church questions, and sports. I tried to help her out however I could and always wanted to make her happy. Her mom was supportive of our "sister friendship" and I often kept in touch with her mom over the years as well.
ERIC WEDDLE
Chanel's high school sweetheart, Eric Weddle, was eventually recruited to play football at the University of Utah. They were no longer dating and I remember the struggles Chanel had through some of those days, but her mom was always hopeful that she and Eric would end up together. During his time at the U, Eric became close to many of his teammates and eventually was baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Chanel had definitely planted an LDS seed during their high school days, but did not have a large part in his conversion. She was grateful he joined the Church and was happy to attend his baptism. A while later, they became acquainted again, eventually started dating, and finally got married. *YAY!!!* I had met Eric a few times when he was younger and was always struck by how polite and handsome he was! It was quite the long love story and I'm so happy their paths crossed again and Chanel and Eric were married in the San Diego temple.
I loved watching Eric play football. He was amazing. I am a complete BYU Cougar fan through and through and feel the boiling rivalry anytime the University of Utah comes around. While Eric was playing for the U, I had already graduated from BYU and was living at home in Pennsylvania. It was common for my parents to catch me watching a U of U football game on TV, which I'm sure made them confused and suspicious. I always tried to catch glimpses of Eric because he was an amazing player, and I loved knowing a little of his background. The only time I have ever watched a U of U football game and secretly hoped they would win was when Eric was playing. But of course, when it comes to BYU vs. U of U, I am always hoping for BLUE to take the victory.
YEARS LATER...
Years went by, I went on a mission, and eventually took a trip out to San Diego, CA when my mission president and his wife came home, July 2009. Their hometown was near San Diego. At that point, Eric Weddle had been drafted to the Chargers and he and Chanel were living in San Diego. Chanel had just barely given birth to their 2nd child, a little boy, and I was delighted to visit them for a few minutes while I was down there.
I couldn't believe my "little camper" was already married in the temple, with 2 children, an amazing husband, an exciting life, and a beautiful home. What a little grown-up! I have been able to cross paths with Chanel in Utah on a few different occasions, and although it is never for very long, it always feels the same-- fun-loving, full of laughter, and happy. I love this girl.
I have enjoyed watching Eric play with the Chargers, and always hope they will beat their opponents. I would often text Chanel after a good game or send her a message acknowledging some amazing play he made. It's crazy to think she's right there at the game in the thick of the chaos... just there to support her talented husband! :)
MY COUSIN-- TRENT TOONE
I love my cousin Trent. He is one of my favorites because he is so easy to talk to-- always making us laugh and fun to be around. At a family get-together a few years ago, he was talking about his work (he's been a journalist for Deseret News and other sources) and mentioned he was working on a story with Eric Weddle. I immediately responded with, "What?! I know Eric! I'm good friends with his wife!" Trent responded, "Chanel?? Yeah, she's great. I just spent the weekend with them in San Diego." WHAT?! Long story short... Trent had started writing a book about Eric's story, including his family, football, conversion story, etc. What a crazy small world! I was excited to tell Trent about my connection to Chanel and how I really loved both of them. I was so excited there was actually going to be a book about their life together!
Trent continued to work on the book and I kept tabs on Chanel to see how everything was going. Just recently, she sent me a message asking if I had any feedback on the book. I didn't know it had already come out and I was SOOOO excited to finally read it! I immediately went to Deseret Book, went straight to the biography section, and there it was:
Oh snap. It's for REAL! My first thought: What a stud!!! My second thought: Trent's name is on the cover-- that's awesome!!! I bought the book-- proud to be a fan-- and started reading as soon as I got back in the car. I read it in small spurts whenever I got a chance and basically told Cassity a play-by-play as I read through his life adventures. Lots of funny experiences, inspiring moments, adversity, love story moments with Chanel, conversion story.... it's all in there! I loved it. Trent is an amazing writer, and I love that he was able to embrace this amazing opportunity!
BOOK SIGNING IN UTAH!
A week before Eric came out to Utah, Chanel let me know he was coming to do various book signing events with Trent. Yay!!! I looked forward to seeing them-- not only because it had been a few years since we'd crossed paths-- but because I felt like I knew them so much better after reading the book! Even details about Chanel's life that I never knew before... she is just as much of a stud as Eric. Impressive people! I planned to go to the book signing in Sugar House at the Barnes & Noble and I'm so glad Cassity joined me. She had heard me talk so much about the book, she bought 9 copies of the book to get signed for family and friends. Ha! :) We joined the line of fans in the store and eventually got to chat with Trent and Eric while we held up the line and got our books signed. It was a fun and joyful moment and we laughed, hugged, and took pictures!
I even wore red to support the cause. That's a big deal!
Even with all the excitement of talking to Eric and congratulating him and Trent on their book, I was most looking forward to visiting with Chanel. She is such a ball of sunshine-- always seems happy, even if she's really not. She has a huge contagious smile and makes me laugh all the time.
I loved talking with her and telling Cassity funny stories about our days at Sports Camp together. I brought up some of the random memories I had and Chanel knew exactly what I was going to say. For as little as I have seen Chanel over the past few years, I still care about her so much and want her to be happy! I feel that "big sister" stewardship over her and I'm so proud of her. She has remained strong in the gospel and never wavered from living up to her personal standards. She is an amazing wife, friend, and mother and continues to grow and excel in her own ways as an athlete. I really loved our little visit at Barnes & Noble and felt so uplifted and happy afterward. An extra bonus was seeing Chanel's friend, Samantha, who I had met a few times back when they were in high school. I loved this random reunion of fun people!
Cassity and I went to the Utah Blaze game that night, where Eric and Trent were doing more book signings. This time my sister Heather and her family joined us and took their turn meeting the guys and taking pictures. Eric was recognized at half-time and they presented a Utah Blaze jersey to him. We stayed for half the game but it was pretty uneventful and decided to leave early. No offense Blaze! I prefer to stick with the NFL or college football. :) So although I didn't get to see Chanel one last time, I was grateful for our interactions that day and felt happy about our visit.
I don't know when I'll see them again but I hope it's sooner than later. Eric is a nice, kind, down-to-earth guy and makes anyone feel comfortable around him. I love that my cousin was able to connect with him and write this amazing book! "No Excuses, No Regrets: The Eric Weddle Story." I would recommend it to anyone. It even made me cry. Just sayin'!!
Here's to good friends, good football, good family, and good times. :)
p.s. Remember how this was going to be short and simple? I FAILED.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Ulcerative Colitis: MY STORY (last part)
Here's a review if you want to catch up!
Part 1-- Utah & Diagnosis
Part 2-- Pennsylvania Years & Mission
Post-Mission Years... 2008-present
So here I am, living my happy little life. There is a huge contrast to how things are now, compared to those first months back in 2002. But even still, life isn't perfect and I certainly have my issues.
Ulcerative Colitis is very much a stress-induced condition. So when I'm under a lot of pressure, nervous, or just plain stressed... my bowels do not respond well. I experience this most when it came to running. After not being able to run very well back in Pennsylvania, I decided to try it again after my mission. I really wanted to be a runner and found that I loved the solitary stress-release of a good run. The beginning of my running days started when ladies from my mission (WA) invited me to do a half-marathon back in one of my beloved mission areas. Yes!!! So I trained and ran and was very disciplined and good. Along this same time, I also joined in on some Redrock Relay races. (team relays over 180 miles, where each person runs 3 times, varied distances, etc.) I had a blast... but guess what?! MAJOR POOP!!! The stress of these relay weekends kicked my trash and I was literally living in the port-a-potty all weekend. I've done 3 Redrock Relays and 1 Ragnar Relay... and as much as I love them and the random fun with other people, I don't think I can handle another weekend with so much diarrhea and stress.
There was one leg of the race that was so dang difficult I had to walk most of it. 2.1 miles... you would've thought it would've been a piece of cake! But it was the highest altitude point of the race and I could barely breathe. Combine that with serious bowel discomfort and YOU try to run! I honestly thought I might explode in my pants, so I walked along-side the road, clenching as best as I could. I frantically looked around to see if there was stray cardboard or something I could use-- just in case. Then this truck full of fit college boys drives by (another team in the race) and they asked if I needed anything. Without trying to impress or act like a lady at all, I blurted out, "Yeah!! A bathroom! I'm going to die!" Nope... they couldn't help me with that one. Worst run of my life. 2.1 miles. Hated it. (The rest of my portions of the race were awesome though).
***One good thing is I can poop anywhere! I have no problem just getting comfortable in any public bathroom and taking care of business. The bathroom has become a second home to me. I know some people refuse to use any sketchy bathroom, but I'm like "Eh... lemme sit down and stay awhile!***
Last year I decided to give my bowels a break and not invite so much stress into my life. So I kind of "took a year off" from a good running groove, and now I'm paying for it! Totally out of shape. I'm trying to get back on track these days, but my knee hurts often, and now shin splints... so who knows if I'll be able to bounce back. Hope so!
Remember how I have ulcerative colitis and should probably pay close attention to what I eat? Yeah... about that... I am a terrible example of a strict follower of what to do. I eat junk food out the wazoo and could care less what it does to me. For so many years, I avoided many vegetables (assuming they gave me bad poop) and feasted on bread, pasta, and cereal. I could eat that stuff for the rest of my life and never get sick of it! Well one day, Cassity and I were in some health food store and it had a giant book of diagnoses and eating restrictions, etc. Naturally, I looked up ulcerative colitis and was surprised to read that it actually suggested eating a lot of vegetables, and avoiding grains. What?! No way. That can't be.
SIDENOTE: Cassity has been telling me this for the past 2 years. She is a believer of the "Paleo Diet" which focuses on fruits, vegetables, and meat... avoiding all grains and dairy. (Apparently these are natural irritators of the bowels). But as much as Cass has tried to help and give me eating tips, I never want to listen.
Bree = Stubborn
So in the last few years, my sister Heather has encountered some major health issues which make mine look like nothing. But her struggles have reminded me that I should probably take better care of myself. At times I have been motivated to eat very restricted as she does, just to empathize and support her efforts. But I am TERRIBLE at sticking to it and really eating how I should. I don't know how Heather does it, and I know she struggles daily because our family finds so much JOY in food. :) *sigh* There must be more to life, right? Well... that seems to be the only option for Heather at this point, because her eating options are very limited. She's a great example to me. Cass has been a great example as well, as she has explored various options to maintain her own health. I can't say I will ever embrace the full paleo diet, but I do understand why and how Cass can be so die-hard in doing it.
So. Recently... in the past few months, I have come down with some insane ITCHING. It is often miserable. A while back, I thought it was an allergy to bananas, as my torso, back, and stomach would itch like crazy and break into hives at night. But that phase kind of passed. Then, a few months ago, I started getting tiny little sores on my upper back or around my neck. (Sounds gross, I know, but they just kind of show up as scabs already, and disappear eventually). There came a point were I was so itchy one night I couldn't concentrate or sit still. Cass suggested I take a bath in epson salt, which I did... and it was temporarily comforting, but I was just as itchy when I got out.
What is it?! A food allergy? It's definitely more than just dry skin. And it's worse at night than during the day. At this very moment, I am super itchy up around my neck and collar bone. Often-times my back itches like crazy.... or my legs... or shoulders. Who knows?! I went to the doctor a month ago and she gave me some various creams to try to use to reduce itching. I haven't seen much difference but will go back to the doctor in a few weeks and maybe we can try some testing or whatever to allergies.
So I randomly remembered a few weeks ago about my allergy to Sulfa. I hadn't thought about this since before my mission! But suddenly it clicked in my brain-- as itchy as I was that summer when I broke out into hives and discovered my allergy to Sulfa-- this same itchiness just might be a side effect to products I'm using, or food I'm eating with Sulfa. You'd be surprised at how many random things contain any kind of ingredient with "sulfa" in it. Lots of shampoos, detergents, etc. And there is a long list of foods that are high in sulfa, so I am trying to avoid those now. (Dates, grapes, dried fruit, and avocados are bad ones). I found some good "sulfate-free" shampoo that seems to be treating me well, and I got new laundry detergent, body soap, and toothpaste that don't have sulfa in it.
Eh, I'm still itchy, but whatever.
About a month ago I got this sudden kick of desire to eat really well and cut out grains and dairy. I just wanted to find out if I would truly feel a difference. And you know what? I DID feel better! I even hated to admit it to myself (as stubborn as I am)... but it was true. My poop was totally controlled and limited and normal. :) I ate a lot of bananas, apples, smoothies, butternut squash, avocados (until I discovered the Sulfa), sweet potatoes, celery & peanut butter, eggs, ground beef, fruit leathers, sweet peppers, salads, chicken, etc. I was really surprised that I could cut out grains and dairy so quickly. I literally just threw away all my cereal boxes-- which wasn't easy!!-- but it had to be done.
But here's the thing. I would always eat really well Monday-Thursday... and then the weekend would come and *BAM!!!* Bad eating would sneak in. Then I'd re-commit on Monday... and then the weekend would hit again. So with my 4-day good eating streaks and feeling good... you'd think I'd want to just stick it out and see how awesome I'd feel after a month of good eating... 2 months.... 3 months, etc. But here it is, the beginning of April, and I ate so much CANDY and junk over the weekend, it made me sick just thinking about it. But you know what?! For as much as I have "gone astray" in my attempts of good eating, I have not eaten any cereal or bought a gallon of milk. That's pretty darn good. I don't know what's worse-- a candy bar or a bowl of cereal :) but whatever... I'm trying.
Kind of.
So I'm still itchy. I'm out of shape. And I feel kind of BLAH. It's all one big cycle. If I eat better and avoid the things I should avoid... maybe I won't itch so much. And if I'm eating healthy, then I'll feel good. And if I feel good, I'll want to exercise and be more active. And if that happens, then my appearance will improve and I'll feel proud of myself.
Baby steps, right?
So that's where I'm at right now. Ulcerative colitis and all, I function like any normal human... although I may take longer in the bathroom than some peeps. I eat what I want, but I have desires to be smarter in what I take in. I am more open-minded when it comes to learning from Cassity and accepting ideas and advice.
I am still the same 'ol me, but I'd like to think that I'm a better me already.
I guess we'll see what happens! Thanks for sharing in my story. :)
Part 1-- Utah & Diagnosis
Part 2-- Pennsylvania Years & Mission
Post-Mission Years... 2008-present
So here I am, living my happy little life. There is a huge contrast to how things are now, compared to those first months back in 2002. But even still, life isn't perfect and I certainly have my issues.
Ulcerative Colitis is very much a stress-induced condition. So when I'm under a lot of pressure, nervous, or just plain stressed... my bowels do not respond well. I experience this most when it came to running. After not being able to run very well back in Pennsylvania, I decided to try it again after my mission. I really wanted to be a runner and found that I loved the solitary stress-release of a good run. The beginning of my running days started when ladies from my mission (WA) invited me to do a half-marathon back in one of my beloved mission areas. Yes!!! So I trained and ran and was very disciplined and good. Along this same time, I also joined in on some Redrock Relay races. (team relays over 180 miles, where each person runs 3 times, varied distances, etc.) I had a blast... but guess what?! MAJOR POOP!!! The stress of these relay weekends kicked my trash and I was literally living in the port-a-potty all weekend. I've done 3 Redrock Relays and 1 Ragnar Relay... and as much as I love them and the random fun with other people, I don't think I can handle another weekend with so much diarrhea and stress.
There was one leg of the race that was so dang difficult I had to walk most of it. 2.1 miles... you would've thought it would've been a piece of cake! But it was the highest altitude point of the race and I could barely breathe. Combine that with serious bowel discomfort and YOU try to run! I honestly thought I might explode in my pants, so I walked along-side the road, clenching as best as I could. I frantically looked around to see if there was stray cardboard or something I could use-- just in case. Then this truck full of fit college boys drives by (another team in the race) and they asked if I needed anything. Without trying to impress or act like a lady at all, I blurted out, "Yeah!! A bathroom! I'm going to die!" Nope... they couldn't help me with that one. Worst run of my life. 2.1 miles. Hated it. (The rest of my portions of the race were awesome though).
Leavenworth, WA-- Half Marathon 2010
Logan,UT--> Park City, UT-- Ragnar Relay 2011
Moab, UT-- Redrock Relay 2011
Zions Nat'l Park, Utah-- Redrock Relay 2011
***One good thing is I can poop anywhere! I have no problem just getting comfortable in any public bathroom and taking care of business. The bathroom has become a second home to me. I know some people refuse to use any sketchy bathroom, but I'm like "Eh... lemme sit down and stay awhile!***
Last year I decided to give my bowels a break and not invite so much stress into my life. So I kind of "took a year off" from a good running groove, and now I'm paying for it! Totally out of shape. I'm trying to get back on track these days, but my knee hurts often, and now shin splints... so who knows if I'll be able to bounce back. Hope so!
Remember how I have ulcerative colitis and should probably pay close attention to what I eat? Yeah... about that... I am a terrible example of a strict follower of what to do. I eat junk food out the wazoo and could care less what it does to me. For so many years, I avoided many vegetables (assuming they gave me bad poop) and feasted on bread, pasta, and cereal. I could eat that stuff for the rest of my life and never get sick of it! Well one day, Cassity and I were in some health food store and it had a giant book of diagnoses and eating restrictions, etc. Naturally, I looked up ulcerative colitis and was surprised to read that it actually suggested eating a lot of vegetables, and avoiding grains. What?! No way. That can't be.
SIDENOTE: Cassity has been telling me this for the past 2 years. She is a believer of the "Paleo Diet" which focuses on fruits, vegetables, and meat... avoiding all grains and dairy. (Apparently these are natural irritators of the bowels). But as much as Cass has tried to help and give me eating tips, I never want to listen.
Bree = Stubborn
So in the last few years, my sister Heather has encountered some major health issues which make mine look like nothing. But her struggles have reminded me that I should probably take better care of myself. At times I have been motivated to eat very restricted as she does, just to empathize and support her efforts. But I am TERRIBLE at sticking to it and really eating how I should. I don't know how Heather does it, and I know she struggles daily because our family finds so much JOY in food. :) *sigh* There must be more to life, right? Well... that seems to be the only option for Heather at this point, because her eating options are very limited. She's a great example to me. Cass has been a great example as well, as she has explored various options to maintain her own health. I can't say I will ever embrace the full paleo diet, but I do understand why and how Cass can be so die-hard in doing it.
So. Recently... in the past few months, I have come down with some insane ITCHING. It is often miserable. A while back, I thought it was an allergy to bananas, as my torso, back, and stomach would itch like crazy and break into hives at night. But that phase kind of passed. Then, a few months ago, I started getting tiny little sores on my upper back or around my neck. (Sounds gross, I know, but they just kind of show up as scabs already, and disappear eventually). There came a point were I was so itchy one night I couldn't concentrate or sit still. Cass suggested I take a bath in epson salt, which I did... and it was temporarily comforting, but I was just as itchy when I got out.
What is it?! A food allergy? It's definitely more than just dry skin. And it's worse at night than during the day. At this very moment, I am super itchy up around my neck and collar bone. Often-times my back itches like crazy.... or my legs... or shoulders. Who knows?! I went to the doctor a month ago and she gave me some various creams to try to use to reduce itching. I haven't seen much difference but will go back to the doctor in a few weeks and maybe we can try some testing or whatever to allergies.
So I randomly remembered a few weeks ago about my allergy to Sulfa. I hadn't thought about this since before my mission! But suddenly it clicked in my brain-- as itchy as I was that summer when I broke out into hives and discovered my allergy to Sulfa-- this same itchiness just might be a side effect to products I'm using, or food I'm eating with Sulfa. You'd be surprised at how many random things contain any kind of ingredient with "sulfa" in it. Lots of shampoos, detergents, etc. And there is a long list of foods that are high in sulfa, so I am trying to avoid those now. (Dates, grapes, dried fruit, and avocados are bad ones). I found some good "sulfate-free" shampoo that seems to be treating me well, and I got new laundry detergent, body soap, and toothpaste that don't have sulfa in it.
Eh, I'm still itchy, but whatever.
But here's the thing. I would always eat really well Monday-Thursday... and then the weekend would come and *BAM!!!* Bad eating would sneak in. Then I'd re-commit on Monday... and then the weekend would hit again. So with my 4-day good eating streaks and feeling good... you'd think I'd want to just stick it out and see how awesome I'd feel after a month of good eating... 2 months.... 3 months, etc. But here it is, the beginning of April, and I ate so much CANDY and junk over the weekend, it made me sick just thinking about it. But you know what?! For as much as I have "gone astray" in my attempts of good eating, I have not eaten any cereal or bought a gallon of milk. That's pretty darn good. I don't know what's worse-- a candy bar or a bowl of cereal :) but whatever... I'm trying.
Kind of.
So I'm still itchy. I'm out of shape. And I feel kind of BLAH. It's all one big cycle. If I eat better and avoid the things I should avoid... maybe I won't itch so much. And if I'm eating healthy, then I'll feel good. And if I feel good, I'll want to exercise and be more active. And if that happens, then my appearance will improve and I'll feel proud of myself.
Baby steps, right?
So that's where I'm at right now. Ulcerative colitis and all, I function like any normal human... although I may take longer in the bathroom than some peeps. I eat what I want, but I have desires to be smarter in what I take in. I am more open-minded when it comes to learning from Cassity and accepting ideas and advice.
I am still the same 'ol me, but I'd like to think that I'm a better me already.
I guess we'll see what happens! Thanks for sharing in my story. :)
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Ulcerative Colitis: MY STORY (Part 2)
If you're just coming upon this story for the first time, be sure to read PART 1 before continuing. And if you've read Part 1 already... welcome back! :)
So 2 1/2 months after being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, I had to move back home to PA. My bowels were not healing well and the Arthritic pain was too much for me to handle. The plan was for me to see our family doctor, take advantage of health benefits from my dad's insurance, and hopefully get better. Honestly, I thought I'd be back out to Utah in a month or two and certainly did not think of this as a permanent move.
But let me back up a little. After the initial diagnosis, I learned that there was no set "list" of foods to eat or avoid. The doctor told me it was more of a trial and error process, and I would learn what I should avoid. In the beginning, I noticed salad would go right through me and end up floating in the toilet. So in my mind, I had to check off lettuce. Carrots were definitely a no-go (major poop afterward), and corn was a doozy. It seemed like most vegetables just went right through me and I never felt good afterward. Instead, I ate a lot of rice and oatmeal. I think these were on the "safe to eat" suggestion list, but knowing what I know now... that's weird. I remember I would make bowls of rice and mix in ketchup. And I ate it a lot. I also craved hamburgers like no other. I would wake up in the morning and all I could think about was HAMBURGER!!!
So anyway, I was back in Pennsylvania. I had lost a significant amount of weight and it was exciting to have to buy new clothes of a smaller size. If people made the comment, "Oh wow, you look so thin!" I'd respond with something like, "Hey thanks, I've been sick." :) I was not happy to be in Pennsylvania, nor did I want to plant myself there. I was not eager to become involved in the church YSA social scene and kind of kept to myself. In the beginning, I was still pretty sick and I would get Arthritic pain all throughout my body. It was most commonly in my fingers and wrists, but also in my knees. I remember just a few weeks after being home-- Thanksgiving Day-- I was hobbling up and down the stairs and limping around the house because it hurt so bad. Not fun!
I had been home for about a month and a half... and somewhere in there my mindset shifted. I realized that I probably wasn't going back out to Utah any time soon, and that made me frustrated and sad. I didn't really even give my Utah life a proper good-bye, but literally just packed up and left all in 3 days. It felt totally incomplete and I had wanted to stay there. But alas, I started looking for full-time jobs in PA and landed the perfect job for me: YMCA Youth Sports & Camp Director. The CEO of the York YMCA lived across the street and we had good connections; I was excited to work in a field directly related to my major. I would run the entire summer camp (200+ kids) and organize and run the youth sports throughout the school year. Needless to say... I didn't go back out to Utah. In fact, I worked at the YMCA for almost 4 years, with each year adding on more and more responsibilities. It gave me great exposure to the recreation field, as well as working with teens of all kinds of crazy backgrounds. I loved it.
So 2 1/2 months after being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, I had to move back home to PA. My bowels were not healing well and the Arthritic pain was too much for me to handle. The plan was for me to see our family doctor, take advantage of health benefits from my dad's insurance, and hopefully get better. Honestly, I thought I'd be back out to Utah in a month or two and certainly did not think of this as a permanent move.
But let me back up a little. After the initial diagnosis, I learned that there was no set "list" of foods to eat or avoid. The doctor told me it was more of a trial and error process, and I would learn what I should avoid. In the beginning, I noticed salad would go right through me and end up floating in the toilet. So in my mind, I had to check off lettuce. Carrots were definitely a no-go (major poop afterward), and corn was a doozy. It seemed like most vegetables just went right through me and I never felt good afterward. Instead, I ate a lot of rice and oatmeal. I think these were on the "safe to eat" suggestion list, but knowing what I know now... that's weird. I remember I would make bowls of rice and mix in ketchup. And I ate it a lot. I also craved hamburgers like no other. I would wake up in the morning and all I could think about was HAMBURGER!!!
So anyway, I was back in Pennsylvania. I had lost a significant amount of weight and it was exciting to have to buy new clothes of a smaller size. If people made the comment, "Oh wow, you look so thin!" I'd respond with something like, "Hey thanks, I've been sick." :) I was not happy to be in Pennsylvania, nor did I want to plant myself there. I was not eager to become involved in the church YSA social scene and kind of kept to myself. In the beginning, I was still pretty sick and I would get Arthritic pain all throughout my body. It was most commonly in my fingers and wrists, but also in my knees. I remember just a few weeks after being home-- Thanksgiving Day-- I was hobbling up and down the stairs and limping around the house because it hurt so bad. Not fun!
So leave it up to my Idaho farmer dad to give me some gel that is used to soothe arthritic pain in HORSES. Haha! Thanks Dad. But I really did use the stuff. It looked like like Aloe Vera gel, only it smelled like mint, and then my skin would feel really cold and tingly. I guess it did kind of distract me from the pain and I applied it every night before going to bed.
In the mean time, I had met with our family doctor and I he started me on a new pill. I was always taking Prednisone (a strong steroid with not-so-good side effects if taken for long periods of time), paired with some other pill. I got off the pointless 16-a-day pill and started on something called Immuran. Prednisone was a doozy. One of the side effects is called "moon face"... where your face basically becomes bloated and weird. So after a while, my face was really puffy and it made my eyes extra squinty. When a friend of mine came to visit, she said she hardly recognized me. That's sad. You have to wean slowly off of Prednisone and the process takes forever long. And sometimes when I was half-way weaned off and I had a big "flare-up" (the diarrhea kicks in drastically)... I'd have to immediately increase the Prednisone again and start back at square 1. It was exhausting.
During that time, I was working a temp job at the hospital (sorting X-rays in the creepy basement) and I just remember driving there early in the morning, listening to Avril Lavine's "Complicated" album over and over again. Now any time I hear any of those Avril songs, I think of the days of being sick in PA. :) However, I was slowly starting to feel better. I remember on any "good day" (when I didn't feel arthritic pain), I felt like I had to really celebrate and take advantage of my health. So I went rollerblading a lot in my neighborhood (it was low impact and the easy gliding didn't cause any pain)... and I also took our dog for walks.
 |
| Super old pic, but you get the idea. |
My condition didn't really effect me in the job environment... other than frequent trips to the bathroom throughout the day. I do remember having a hard time with running or exercising. I really wanted to be a runner and worked out in the gym at the YMCA... but as soon as I'd finish my workout, I'd sit on the toilet with killer abdominal pains for a long time. I remember just sitting there hunched over in the stall, sweat dripping everywhere, but unable to move from the toilet until feeling totally relieved. I learned that maybe running wasn't the best thing for me-- at least not at the time.
At some point the doctor put me on a new pill called Sulfasalazine. I was on this pill for quite a while, but the whole time I was also on Prednisone-- still. Then that summer (I forget the timing of it all, or how long I was on the Sulfa drug)... my mom and I went on a beach trip with friends in our ward. I had just recently weaned all the way off of Prednisone, and that weekend I completely broke out into hives. Not only was it ITCHY and miserable, but it looked hideous! I remember looking down at my legs and gasping because I honestly looked like some X-Men creature or something. Purply-pink scaly hives all over my legs, stomach, arms, etc. Awesome way to sport the swimsuit, eh? UGH. So this mystery was a weird one... and they finally figured out that I HAD BEEN ALLERGIC TO SULFA THE ENTIRE TIME... but the symptoms never surfaced because the Prednisone was keeping it all in check for those many months of taking it. It wasn't until the Prednisone was out of my system that the SULFA drug really attacked me. Sheesh!!! My poor body. So that was the end of SULFA and on all my medical charts it says I'm allergic to SULFA. No more hives, please.
My next drug choice was Asacol, which seemed to be good and I did those 3-month order things and had tons of them on hand.
Somewhere in all of this mess I decided to serve a mission! :) Some people had assumed I hadn't gone on a mission earlier because of all my health problems, and honestly... that had nothing to do with it. I just never really felt like I wanted to go. But in that time of living at home in PA (by the way, I eventually embraced the YSA crowd and totally LOVED IT)...I spent a lot of time with the sister missionaries-- huge inspirations-- and really quite suddenly decided I wanted to serve a mission. I figured I wouldn't go foreign because my bowels would have exploded with those kinds of issues... and I was delighted to find out I was called to the Washington Spokane mission. YAY!!! I was 27 when I left on my mission. It was perfect.
I was completely BLESSED as a missionary and felt better in those 18 months than I had ever felt before! I knew it was a special miracle from Heavenly Father as I served him with all my heart, mind, and strength. Of course I still had my bathroom moments, and it was a joke with all my companions that I was in the bathroom way too often... but it wasn't anything ridiculous or unbearable.
Towards the end of my mission, in my last transfer, I started having weird poops. I was so nervous and scared that I would get really sick again. It was like this secret curse sneaking up on me because my mission time was almost up. I had to go in an get an ultrasound (again, I was nervous!) but I was surrounded by good and loving members who loved me and offered great comfort and support. There wasn't anything terribly wrong and the ultrasound came back clear. I finished out the mission and felt good about everything.
In all these years-- it had been about 6-7 years since my initial diagnosis-- I was eating pretty regular. I still avoided carrots and corn if I could (although I love both)... and salad often went straight to the toilet. But for the most part I was "normal" and ate pretty much whatever I wanted.
I will save the rest for a 3rd and final blog post about my story... the "post-mission" years... and bring you up to date with my current status-- the whole reason why I brought this all up in the first place! *Cheers*
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Ulcerative Colitis: MY STORY (part 1)
I want to write about some random health things as of late, but in order to do that, I need to go back about 10 years. Hold on to your hats and get excited. Not really... but I'm sure maybe you're about to learn something new about me!
Before I delve into my own story, I want to give huge props to my younger sister, Heather, who is still dealing with various health problems that have yet to be healed. Here's a link to a blog post she did to kick of the new year: Heather's Story... that can give you a quick update if you're out of the loop. Having to watch Heather suffer in pain, frustration, and confusion has made me overlook a lot of my own issues, as they pale in comparison to her health mysteries.
Nevertheless, I do have my story and I'd like to share it. For no other purpose than to give you new insight on who I am, where I've been, and hopefully where I'm going. :) This is my story-- Part 1!
Disclaimer: This story relates to my diagnosis of Ulcerative Colitis (ulcers in the intestines). There will clearly be mention of "poop" and other digestive issues, so if you can't handle that... stop reading now. :)
It was the summer of 2002 and I was in my last months at BYU. I was scheduled to graduate in August after completing my final internship. Life was good. I was living with my sister Brittney in a condo, interning at the Boys & Girls Club in Provo, and working at Jamba Juice. I was excited to graduate with a degree in Recreation Management & Youth Leadership and pictured myself getting a super cool job in Utah, working in the outdoors like Aspen Grove or something. My future looked good and I was sporty and active.
At that time, all my favorite foods were complete junk: hot dogs, macaroni & cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, fast food, pizza, HOSTESS HO-HO's, cookies, donuts, and so on. What am I saying, those are STILL all over my favorite foods! No wonder I have issues.
Anyway, throughout the summer of 2002 I started noticing some issues. I had major diarrhea all the time. I was often stuck on the toilet for so long, I'd be more than 30 minutes late to work. Sometimes it was like clock-work: I'd show up to work, but at the exact time every day, I'd have this huge rush of diarrhea come and had to ask to be excused to the bathroom... which often took longer than a normal human would need for a "potty break." It was ridiculous. At one point I noticed blood in my poop. It was marbled through, like the poop I remember finding from my dog after she ate a crayon or something. This was weird and rather alarming to me. When I finally mentioned it to Brittney, her response was something like, "Uhhh... that's not normal! You need to get that checked out." I continued to do my thing throughout the summer and live on the toilet. I even joined the Provo summer book club because I had nothing better to do than read books on the toilet! It was my second home and I went through toilet paper like crazy.
Are you loving this yet? :)
Well finally my parents came into town for my BYU graduation-- the week of August 26th-- and in that same week, we scheduled some blood tests, poop tests, and a colonoscopy. Happy graduation to me! I wasn't sure what to expect or what the results might be. After the colonoscopy they took me to my grandma's house, where I was totally passed out on the couch for who knows how long. The funny thing is I finally woke up when everyone was gone, and all I found was a paper on the kitchen counter that said "CROHN'S DISEASE" in big, bold letters. What?! What is that?! What is going on?! I kind of panicked. I had no idea what that was, but anything with "disease" in it doesn't sound good. There was also a paper with a list of all the foods one should avoid, which certainly included all of my favorites. My heart sank. I think I literally had the thought process: "No hot dogs or Ho-Ho's?!" Haha... my biggest worries.
I'm not sure how everything played out from there, but eventually the rest of the fam showed up, we went to dinner at Applebee's, and I was on my way to... I didn't really know where. I guess I was just glad there was a name to all of my problems.
Crohn's Disease: a chronic inflammatory disease of the intestines, especially the colon and ileum.
This disease can effect anywhere from the small intestines, large intestines, or even up into the esophagus. I had a little friend in PA that was suffering from Crohn's Disease, but her case was much worse than mine. She was in and out of the hospital frequently and really had some issues. It was sad. And we suddenly shared something in common.
Well somewhere down the road, the doctors decided I didn't have Crohn's Disease, which I guess was a good thing. Instead, they diagnosed me with Ulcerative Colitis.
Ulcerative Colitis: a serious chronic inflammatory disease of the large intestine and rectum.
As I understand it, Crohn's has the potential to really destroy you from the bottom up (no pun intended)... but Ulcerative Colitis resides mainly in the large intestine. And that keyword "chronic" was a bummer to me-- this was something that would never go away, but was going to be something I'd deal with my whole life.
*sigh* Hello poop.
The good thing is I've never had serious abdominal cramping, fevers, or other common symptoms. I can function pretty normally, although I have definitely had my moments of poop and diarrhea! Shortly after all this came about, I went on a date with a guy I really liked at BYU. He was like my BFF boy and we had so much fun together. One night after going to a play, I excused myself to the bathroom. Yeah... I was in there for 30+ minutes, no joke. I walked out sheepishly when I returned and I was just relieved it was HIM waiting there for me, and not some new guy.
So this was the plan. I was on medication to keep the diarrhea under control and to try to strengthen my immune system, digestive walls, and eliminate the ulcers just clinging to my intestines. I took 16 pills every day (4 pills, 4 x/day)... but the little beads inside the pellets would just come straight through me and end up in the toilet. It was annoying. My dad told me it was essential for me to find a full-time job with benefits so I could have insurance for my medications. OR ELSE. Or else?! Yeah... or else I'd have to leave Utah and move home to Pennsylvania where I could utilize my dad's insurance. That was the last thing I wanted to do.
I started working at Kiddie Kandids that fall, while still working at the Boys & Girls Club. No insurance yet but was working towards a full-time position. A couple months went by until November showed up....
I'd spent the night at my friend's house and when I woke up in the morning, it felt like I'd broken my hand. It was so painful and I was super confused how it literally came out of nowhere. Overnight. Did I hit my hand against the wall or something? I couldn't grip anything, unbutton my pants, squeeze anything, etc. Tons of pain. The next day I woke up with more pain, only this time it had spread to my wrist... and the next day the pain was up to my shoulder. It was really strange, but more than anything, it was maddening. I couldn't function! I could barely get dressed and held my arm in a sling against my body because the pain was so intense. After a few days, I asked my grandma if she could take me to the doctor. I hadn't showered and felt completely disgusting after those days of pain and helplessness. The doctor informed me that I had a case of Arthritis, which was often a side effect of Ulcerative Colitis. Uhhh. random?!
Arthritis: painful inflammation and stiffness of the joints.
It made no sense to me at all, but the doctor didn't seem to be surprised. They added a new medication to my load that was supposed to help the arthritic pain subside. I remember calling home and crying to my mom over the phone. I couldn't take care of myself. I couldn't lift my arms. I couldn't do anything. And I just sat there in my pity party of pain. She suggested that maybe I needed to move home to recover and gain my health back with good doctors they knew of in PA. That was the LAST thing I wanted to do!
Three days later, I was packed up (as much as I could be) and on a plane to Pennsylvania...
TO BE CONTINUED... :)
Before I delve into my own story, I want to give huge props to my younger sister, Heather, who is still dealing with various health problems that have yet to be healed. Here's a link to a blog post she did to kick of the new year: Heather's Story... that can give you a quick update if you're out of the loop. Having to watch Heather suffer in pain, frustration, and confusion has made me overlook a lot of my own issues, as they pale in comparison to her health mysteries.
Nevertheless, I do have my story and I'd like to share it. For no other purpose than to give you new insight on who I am, where I've been, and hopefully where I'm going. :) This is my story-- Part 1!
Disclaimer: This story relates to my diagnosis of Ulcerative Colitis (ulcers in the intestines). There will clearly be mention of "poop" and other digestive issues, so if you can't handle that... stop reading now. :)
It was the summer of 2002 and I was in my last months at BYU. I was scheduled to graduate in August after completing my final internship. Life was good. I was living with my sister Brittney in a condo, interning at the Boys & Girls Club in Provo, and working at Jamba Juice. I was excited to graduate with a degree in Recreation Management & Youth Leadership and pictured myself getting a super cool job in Utah, working in the outdoors like Aspen Grove or something. My future looked good and I was sporty and active.
At that time, all my favorite foods were complete junk: hot dogs, macaroni & cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, fast food, pizza, HOSTESS HO-HO's, cookies, donuts, and so on. What am I saying, those are STILL all over my favorite foods! No wonder I have issues.
Anyway, throughout the summer of 2002 I started noticing some issues. I had major diarrhea all the time. I was often stuck on the toilet for so long, I'd be more than 30 minutes late to work. Sometimes it was like clock-work: I'd show up to work, but at the exact time every day, I'd have this huge rush of diarrhea come and had to ask to be excused to the bathroom... which often took longer than a normal human would need for a "potty break." It was ridiculous. At one point I noticed blood in my poop. It was marbled through, like the poop I remember finding from my dog after she ate a crayon or something. This was weird and rather alarming to me. When I finally mentioned it to Brittney, her response was something like, "Uhhh... that's not normal! You need to get that checked out." I continued to do my thing throughout the summer and live on the toilet. I even joined the Provo summer book club because I had nothing better to do than read books on the toilet! It was my second home and I went through toilet paper like crazy.
Are you loving this yet? :)
Well finally my parents came into town for my BYU graduation-- the week of August 26th-- and in that same week, we scheduled some blood tests, poop tests, and a colonoscopy. Happy graduation to me! I wasn't sure what to expect or what the results might be. After the colonoscopy they took me to my grandma's house, where I was totally passed out on the couch for who knows how long. The funny thing is I finally woke up when everyone was gone, and all I found was a paper on the kitchen counter that said "CROHN'S DISEASE" in big, bold letters. What?! What is that?! What is going on?! I kind of panicked. I had no idea what that was, but anything with "disease" in it doesn't sound good. There was also a paper with a list of all the foods one should avoid, which certainly included all of my favorites. My heart sank. I think I literally had the thought process: "No hot dogs or Ho-Ho's?!" Haha... my biggest worries.
I'm not sure how everything played out from there, but eventually the rest of the fam showed up, we went to dinner at Applebee's, and I was on my way to... I didn't really know where. I guess I was just glad there was a name to all of my problems.
Crohn's Disease: a chronic inflammatory disease of the intestines, especially the colon and ileum.
This disease can effect anywhere from the small intestines, large intestines, or even up into the esophagus. I had a little friend in PA that was suffering from Crohn's Disease, but her case was much worse than mine. She was in and out of the hospital frequently and really had some issues. It was sad. And we suddenly shared something in common.
Well somewhere down the road, the doctors decided I didn't have Crohn's Disease, which I guess was a good thing. Instead, they diagnosed me with Ulcerative Colitis.
Ulcerative Colitis: a serious chronic inflammatory disease of the large intestine and rectum.
As I understand it, Crohn's has the potential to really destroy you from the bottom up (no pun intended)... but Ulcerative Colitis resides mainly in the large intestine. And that keyword "chronic" was a bummer to me-- this was something that would never go away, but was going to be something I'd deal with my whole life.
*sigh* Hello poop.
The good thing is I've never had serious abdominal cramping, fevers, or other common symptoms. I can function pretty normally, although I have definitely had my moments of poop and diarrhea! Shortly after all this came about, I went on a date with a guy I really liked at BYU. He was like my BFF boy and we had so much fun together. One night after going to a play, I excused myself to the bathroom. Yeah... I was in there for 30+ minutes, no joke. I walked out sheepishly when I returned and I was just relieved it was HIM waiting there for me, and not some new guy.
So this was the plan. I was on medication to keep the diarrhea under control and to try to strengthen my immune system, digestive walls, and eliminate the ulcers just clinging to my intestines. I took 16 pills every day (4 pills, 4 x/day)... but the little beads inside the pellets would just come straight through me and end up in the toilet. It was annoying. My dad told me it was essential for me to find a full-time job with benefits so I could have insurance for my medications. OR ELSE. Or else?! Yeah... or else I'd have to leave Utah and move home to Pennsylvania where I could utilize my dad's insurance. That was the last thing I wanted to do.
I started working at Kiddie Kandids that fall, while still working at the Boys & Girls Club. No insurance yet but was working towards a full-time position. A couple months went by until November showed up....
I'd spent the night at my friend's house and when I woke up in the morning, it felt like I'd broken my hand. It was so painful and I was super confused how it literally came out of nowhere. Overnight. Did I hit my hand against the wall or something? I couldn't grip anything, unbutton my pants, squeeze anything, etc. Tons of pain. The next day I woke up with more pain, only this time it had spread to my wrist... and the next day the pain was up to my shoulder. It was really strange, but more than anything, it was maddening. I couldn't function! I could barely get dressed and held my arm in a sling against my body because the pain was so intense. After a few days, I asked my grandma if she could take me to the doctor. I hadn't showered and felt completely disgusting after those days of pain and helplessness. The doctor informed me that I had a case of Arthritis, which was often a side effect of Ulcerative Colitis. Uhhh. random?!
Arthritis: painful inflammation and stiffness of the joints.
It made no sense to me at all, but the doctor didn't seem to be surprised. They added a new medication to my load that was supposed to help the arthritic pain subside. I remember calling home and crying to my mom over the phone. I couldn't take care of myself. I couldn't lift my arms. I couldn't do anything. And I just sat there in my pity party of pain. She suggested that maybe I needed to move home to recover and gain my health back with good doctors they knew of in PA. That was the LAST thing I wanted to do!
Three days later, I was packed up (as much as I could be) and on a plane to Pennsylvania...
TO BE CONTINUED... :)
Automatic Car Wash!
When you serve a mission, it's the little things that bring you much pleasure!! Meet one of my favorite mission companions, Asher SHANER. This was us post-mission in Moab.
Okay, so every preparation day we had to wash our car, and there we were in the small town of Cheney, Washington. I always loved this activity because we'd go get food somewhere and eat it in the car during the car wash. Then we'd choose our favorite mission-appropriate song that was a little more upbeat and rock out. You do what you can, with what you have! :) I've always been a fan of automatic car washes, but doing this little routine with Shaner made me love it even more. It's like a therapeutic thing now!
I still love automatic car wash therapy!
A few weeks ago I decided to embrace the solo moment and make a music video. Yes yes, this is how I keep myself entertained these days! As I said before... it's the little things that bring much pleasure. Enjoy!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Out of Control with BAD HABITS
The past 2 weeks kind of rocked me. I felt super out of whack and completely off balance in every aspect of my life. I've been running myself into the ground in my work world trying to help a particular teen complete college scholarship applications and other Club related competitions. I have put 100% in for this girl and will continue to do so, but man, it's wiping me out. I hope all my efforts bring forth great fruit!
With school, I continue to get amazingly good grades (YAY) but I leave everything to the LAST minute. I am usually up late ('til 4am-ish) every Tuesday night trying to finish homework due in class the next day. The dumb thing is I have every intention to do homework on MONDAY nights too, so I end up staying up SUPER late on Mondays, but really only get distracted, stay up 'til ridiculous hours of the night, and come away having accomplished absolutely nothing-- only another successful night of NO SLEEP. And yet, somehow, I show up for class every Wed 6-10pm full of energy, confidence, passion, and excitement for the world of school counseling. The program is perfect for me and I'm excited (and nervous) to get more into it come this spring! (I'll start a 100 hour practicum at a high school, observing a school counselor who I met through my work at the Boys & Girls Club. Score!)
I love love love my Church calling and continue to embrace it with love and smiles. Last weekend rocked me as I spent 7 hours at a winter workshop training for stake Young Leaders and Camp Leaders (I helped in one of the workshops)... and the following day I taught the youth in 2 different ward conferences. Nothing huge and scary-- just time consuming and exhausting. And I was so hoping the Spirit would be with me and help me teach effectively; I hope it did. I have a lot to juggle and organize and I often feel like I fall short in being a leader/mentor for the YW leaders in the stake, but I am determined to tie down loose ends and get it all on track. I am grateful for a gung-ho secretary and 2 great counselors to support me. I LOVE my interactions with the girls in the stake and have made efforts to attend high school basketball games for a few of them. I really enjoy doing stuff like that and will continue to do so as long as my schedule permits!
I taught the young women in the Spanish ward today... and spoke half English, half Spanish. I really enjoyed it! I learn so much from these girls and I am continually blessed as I study and dig into the gospel to prepare for these lessons. I feel myself growing in this calling and I need that.
I stopped caring and stressing about dating. I kind of just don't want to deal with it right now. And that's that. There are still a few lingering "set-ups" that haven't happened yet, but we all know I'm not in a hurry to make the first move with any of those.
My sleeping habits are out of whack. Big time. I rarely go to bed before 2am... and too often I end up turning out the light around 4am. Why?!? sigh. I don't know. The best excuse is I usually don't get home from work until after 9pm or so, so my "day" doesn't start until much later than most. I love being up at night. I love doing my thing. But I should really go to bed earlier so I can embrace the mornings and be productive during those hours. Life would be so much better. And I could actually go RUNNING again and feel good about my physical health! Lately I'm more like a zombie and just keep going.
I won't even go into details about my eating habits. All I know is I'm having some pretty weird allergic reactions of some sort and there are foods that definitely should not be eating... and I just keep eating them. I am starting to really think twice about my choices, especially in relation to the experiences my sister Heather is still going through. Click HERE to read her latest blog post. Have I ever told you I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis 10 years ago? Maybe I'll write about that some time... life goes on!
So here I sit. Drowning in my bad habits and off-balance behaviors. But even still... I am super happy and loving life. :) I have so much fun every day, whether at work, talking with family, with people in the stake, with Cassity, or just plain happy driving in my car. I take it as a compliment when I tell people I'm 32 yrs old and they kind of go, "Whaaaa??" Yup. True story.
So that's me. Plugging along, one day at a time.
p.s. I've written in my journal every singly day since Jan 1st. Super proud of myself!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Song of the Week: "The Light" by Sara Bareilles
I love this song. SO much. It never gets old.
"The Light"
Sara Bareilles
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