eHarmony Conclusion

I joined eHarmony.com the day after Christmas-- December 26, 2011.  I wanted to blog about my experience and am naturally an open person about my life.  I didn't know what would happen or if anything would come from eHarmony.  5 days later I received a match from Bellevue, Washington-- David-- who I decided to call "Washington Warrior" or "WaWo" for short. We sped through the eHarmony process and exchanged some really fun e-mails.  Within a few weeks we jumped to phone texts and phone calls, with an occasional Skype session here and there.

I met David in person for the first time on February 18th.  It was a fun weekend.  He came out to Utah again the weekend of March 17th.  I flew out to Washington the weekend of April 14th.  Most of you are aware of my roller coaster of emotions and my indecisive ability to just go with the flow and let life happen.  I think I think too much.  Or worry too much.  Or hope for too much.  Or idealize too much.  Or stress too much.  I am a girl.  Sometimes it's just hard being a girl.  And dating is hard.  And being single is hard.  So I don't have a good solution for that dilemma.

Well the eHarmony dating experience has come to an end.  David and I decided that it just isn't going to work out.  Long distance and communication barriers make relationships hard.  And that is the short and simple version.  I won't be going to WA this weekend but we will still be friends.  I think for now I need to not dwell on it and allow myself to think about other things.  But of course it is a mix of emotions and I'm taking it one day at a time.

So now it's back to Square 1.  eHarmony matches still come every now and then but none of them have appealed to me the way David did.  Most matches take me about 10 seconds to glance at a picture and read through their profile to know that it's not going to be anything to pursue.  I have wanted to quit eHarmony but I keep forgetting, and then I get charged for another month.  Dang it.  So maybe I'll let May roll out as it is... but I'm really not looking to jump into any dating right now. I'm really not good at it.

I have learned a lot.

There are many things I will do differently next time.

I can't change the past but I can plan to be awesome in the future.

And as for now... I'll hope that life will be good.

Letters to the Sky

Dear Baby Owen,

I've never seen a baby as tiny as you.  It's amazing!  You are adorable and I think you look so much like Bryan when he was little!  They'll be shaving your little head in no time so your funny little hair-line will grow back looking normal. :)  I love baby boys.  I love you.  You better get excited about the future aunt-nephew dates we'll have!

Dear First Grad School Instructor,

You intimidated me.  A lot.  I worked so hard to gain your approval and even practiced my presentations ahead of time.  I did ALL my reading and every little tidbit of homework.  I worked hard in your class and wanted to be a good student for you.  Well... my other teachers have been pretty chill and laid back, and much less intimidating.  It's been fun and I've learned a lot.  But I've totally slacked off in my work ethic and motivation to do all my reading.  I just do enough to get by and participate in discussions... but I'm not giving it 100%.  I miss your intimidating demeanor to keep me in line.  I hope I have you for an instructor again, but in the mean time, I'll try to do better on my own.

Dear Favorite Teen,

I'm glad you were there for me today.  It's funny sometimes because I think I need the Club more than you kids need me.  You make me smile and laugh.  I want nothing more than the best for you, and I will help you get there!

Dear David,

I'm sorry for all of it.  It has been a long process of learning.

Dear Cassity,

Thanks for thinking to call me today even though you had no idea why you needed to call me.

Dear Everyone,

Sometimes you wish you could just yell things out to the world but know that it's better to just keep some things to yourself.  Maybe I'll write a book one day.

Dear Lumpy Space Princess,

The teens introduced me to "Adventure Time" a few weeks ago and showed me a bunch of clips of you.  You are hilarious and I have laughed a lot in the past few days.  It feels good.  I think you are a ridiculous character and I think cartoons are dumb... but I absolutely love you.

Dear Sadie Skippy-doo,

I'm sorry I got new bed sheets.  I let you sleep in my bed before and we got to be all sorts of cuddly.  But now that I have new sheets and a new comforter... I want them to stay nice.  So no more bed time cuddles. I sure do love you though!  And miss you. :)

That's all for now.

Crossfit Thoughts

This week I started my adventure with Crossfit in Draper, Utah.  I had to go to 3 fundamental classes where we learned how to properly perform most of the lifting moves and other random exercises.  Before I even started, I was afraid these classes would be a pass/fail kind of situation to see if you could continue.  I was definitely wrong.  It was more just a personal teaching/learning opportunity with the trainer, Brandon, (owner of the gym) and he was great.  Each night there were 6-10 of us and a lot of the time was spent observing the others and picking up on what they were doing right or wrong.  So naturally, I was always a little nervous to go because I'm totally new at this stuff and definitely don't know how to do it.  So I was open to good comments and criticism and willing to try hard and learn the right way.  There were always at least 2 other women and I liked the bond that was easily created between us.

I LIKE CROSSFIT!

I don't know what I expected.  All I knew of it was based on stories that Cassity brings home with her almost daily about the crazy intense workouts she did and the improvements she had made.  I knew it would be tough, but I didn't think I'd actually like it.  But I do.  And props to Cass for doing this kind of stuff for 2 years!

I'm a competitive person.

Crossfit is all about competition.  Each workout is timed and each person's finishing time is posted on this huge whiteboard for everyone to see.  They keep the times posted up all day so other people can see the competition and who they want to beat, etc.  Or maybe seeing other times slower than your's will make you feel better. :)  Anyway, even in just a quick 5 minute workout (and I was totally exhausted after 1 minute!) I kept pushing because I knew I was pretty much neck & neck with the girl next to me.  And I can thrive off of that kind of thing.

I really liked Brandon and how he was blunt and honest about our form and other efforts.  If it was wrong or looked bad, he'd tell us.  If we did it right and looked awesome, he'd tell us.  Along with competition, I also thrive on approval from others, especially when they're my "superiors" in something.  In this case, I think it will motivate me to excel and do my best if I know there's a random trainer nearby that may or may not like the way I'm doing something.

Another thought about Crossfit:  you never see women doing heavy lifting in a place like Gold's Gym. Never!  If anything, they dabble on the weight machines and pick up the hand weights every now and then.  But those big barbells are the men's domain.  At Crossfit, everything is equal.  Granted, the men will be lifting heavier weights than the women, but as far as the kinds of lifts and equipment used... it's all the same.

And that just makes a woman feel strong and tough!  And again, Cassity has been doing this for 2 years.  That's impressive.  I've never had much arm strength and can hardly do one real push-up.  It's funny to think of me doing all this heavy lifting stuff because it is so far out of my element.  But I will do it.

I will give this 1 month all my effort and not just experience the surface of it, but really go for it!  After my month is up... who knows.  Maybe I'll magically work out a budge that would support more time at Crossfit.  Maybe I'll be so focused and feel so good about life that there's no way I can just quit.  But I won't know until I actually start going.

I will experience my first REAL Crossfit class some time next week.  The Draper Crossfit is on my way to work, and I'll have to go in the morning.  I'm not a morning person so it will be a miracle if I actually make myself get up early enough to get there by 8am.  Barf.  But I have to if I want to get my money's worth for this month.

I thought I would be dying with soreness but I'm actually feeling pretty good! I have a good soreness in my legs and upper back, but it's nothing to die over.  On our first day Brandon made sure to teach us that doing squats is more about your butt and hamstrings, not your quads.  So we have to stick our butt out and really "sit" down, and boy do my hamstrings hurt!  And I don't feel a thing in my quads.  So I will assume I'm doing my squats the way he taught us. :)  Good job me.

I haven't gone running this week because I didn't want to tamper with my soreness before having to go skiing on Saturday.  It will be interesting to try to juggle Crossfit AND running... but hopefully I'll figure something out.  I don't want to just push running to the side because I definitely want to keep it going.  And not lose the foundation I've attempted to build over the last month or so.

Well.  Those are my rambling thoughts about Crossfit.  It's been a great week!

Here's the problem:

I weigh MORE now than I have in the past year or so... or since when I started running and being more fit and things.  Usually I see a natural dip in my exercise groove over the winter months, but this is just ridiculous now.  I don't necessarily care about my actual weight, like trying to get down to a specific number or anything.

What matters most to me is the way I look and the way my clothes fit.

I wore a skirt to church last week that I hadn't worn in MONTHS because it was too big and hanging off my hips.  Last week it actually fit and I wore it like any other skirt.  Boo!  That's not good.

Here's the other problem:

I love food.  All the kinds of food you shouldn't love if you want your clothes to fit better.  Cookies, brownies, ice cream, peanut butter, fast food, crackers, etc.  Go ahead, try to give me a speech but I will tune you out, guaranteed. I'm just a big stubborn food mule and I am clearly my own worst enemy.

Part of the issue is my timing and not thinking ahead to be able to plan good, well-rounded meals.  If I'm on my way home from work and super hungry, I tempt myself to stop for fast food, or think about that bowl of cereal I'm going to eat as soon as I walk in the door.  Never do I think about actually "cooking" something when I get home, because that takes up MORE time, and it's some time after 8 or 9pm, most likely, and who wants to be cooking a meal after 9pm?  Not this girl.  I just want to eat.  I'm a food beast.

I also love to tempt myself to make cookies at ridiculous hours of the night, and then I do it and go all out eating cookie dough and love it for the moment.

So here's Step 1.  I need to decide what meals I want to eat ahead of time, and plan for those before I leave for work.  I also need to shop with real meals in mind, rather than just replenishing bread, milk, and cereal every time I go.  I'm not even trying to focus on "healthy meals" just yet... but real meals that will include vegetables or other nutritious things.

Also, if I ever get married one day, I might want to have at least a few sneaky meals up my sleeve.  I can't guarantee any boy will love macaroni and tomato juice as much as I do!  (Mom, I can only imagine the comments you have going through your head right now).

Sooo... here's the other thing.  I keep trying to get back into running but I'm having a hard time balancing the exercise component of my life with the school component of my life.  And it all connects to sleep and the lack thereof.  But I like running and I WANT to do it. It's just a matter of making myself go to bed early enough to wake up early enough... while somehow still getting my homework done in time.

I got this special deal on "Living Social Deals" a while ago that was good for 1 month of Crossfit in Draper.  If you're not familiar with crossfit, it is a style of working out that requires heavy lifting and fast-paced routines that get your heart going like crazy.  Crossfit gyms are all over the place and are more like open warehouse facilities, more-so than a "Golds Gym" setting.  There are small classes with trainers there to cheer you on and monitor the reps, routines, etc.  I know about crossfit because my roommate, Cassity has been an avid crossfit person for the past 2 years.  And she has some serious muscles on her!  It has been neat to see her transformation, inside and out, and she is a huge advocate for crossfit.  I consider myself too wimpy for that kind of stuff because I can barely do 1 "boy" push-up and certainly can't do a single pull-up.

Well... my monthly special at crossfit begins TONIGHT.  I am a little nervous.  I am also a little sore from skiing on Saturday, so I feel like I'm already at a disadvantage.  :)

There are 3 fundamental classes of crossfit for the trainers to watch you and decide if you can handle crosffit for real.  It kind of makes me chuckle... what if I don't "pass"?  What if I can't handle it?  That will be a huge ego buster.  So I have tonight, Tuesday, and Thursday, and I guarantee I will be sooooo sore by Thursday I'll want to rip my arms and legs off.  And THEN I have to take the teens skiing one last time on Saturday and I know my legs will be burning and completely on fire.  At least that is all that I am anticipating and mentally preparing for.

So here goes nothin', 'eh?

I'll try to keep up on things more frequently so you can stalk my day to day progress... or lack thereof. 

My Vision Board

So this is the vision board I worked on a week ago.

I was inspired by Cassity's and had a lot of fun with it.

Can you tell which areas of my life I decided to focus on?

Correct Answers:

Health & Fitness

Spirituality

Work/Life Purpose

Love/Relationships

Positive Attitude

Financial Smarts

I used glue stick to place everything on the board, and the actual board is a hard, solid presentation board.  I like it because it's sturdy and I can move it from place to place and it stays in good condition.

I took it to work and shared it with my teens and I'm encouraging them to make their own boards.

Here's to a good future.

I'm still far from meeting these goals.

I love junk food way too much.

I'm not running as much as I should.

I spend money on dumb things.

I'm no dating guru pro.

I know I can do better at reading scriptures and building my testimony.

I don't sleep enough.

I'm trying to be a good, non-judgmental person.

I have a long way to go.

But I love my vision board. :)

All is Well

I don't think I have publicly announced the date of when David (WaWo) is coming to visit.

*ahem*

March 17-18th.  It is for real!  And this time I get to be in charge and totally know ahead of time what is going on.  No more of this "flying by the seat of our pants being confused" stuff.  I have basically reserved him for all of Saturday and Sunday and will purposely have the whole family together for dinner so it can be one full whammy of happiness.  I hesitated about the big family thing for a minute and didn't want to overwhelm him, but shoot... who knows if/when he'll come to Utah again and my family is a BIG part of my life.  So it is what it is and I think it will be tons of fun.  I already let him know that part of the plan and he's up for it!  I told him if he's out of control I'll make him stay in the basement to play with the kids in the playroom and he's totally okay with that. :)  But it's all good.  I think he'll get along well with everyone and we'll have a good time.

You better believe I have "Comedy Sportz" on my Saturday agenda.  I love that place.  And if the weather's nice we can do all sorts of fun things.  Since that day is St. Patrick's Day I've even considered being super creative and doing a little "scavenger hunt" around Orem/Provo with some prize at the end.  Hmmm.  What do you think?  Would that be too cheesy and should I keep it chill, or go all out?  Either way, I want it to be a fun day and hopefully I can just relax and be myself.

We keep in touch daily via text, do phone calls here and there, and a Skype session every now and then.  David is a good guy and I'm looking forward to this next visit.

In the mean time, I'm finally over being sick (I think), after 3 weeks of dumb Mucinex and non-stop nose-blowing.  I went for a much needed run this morning and it felt awesome.  I'm determined to take better care of myself, get more sleep, eat my fruits and vegetables, and be more aware of my own well-being.

Happy March!

My Sweet Grandma

For my master's program I've been taking a "Life Span" class and we've studied and discussed the various development stages of life.  I love what I'm learning, especially when we apply everything to counseling!  This past week we focused on adulthood and one of our assignments was to interview someone over 70 yrs old and ask them questions pertaining to our required reading material.

I was excited to interview my Grandma, who really is such an incredibly impressive little lady!  She leads such a fun and unique life and participates in so many fun classes and activities.  My class loved her-- specifically my teacher-- and they thought she was such a cutie.  I decided I needed to post this video on here so I can always have this to remember. :) 

I also took a video of her playing her organ, which has become a favorite hobby of her's.  :)

I love my grandma.  I love that she is a night owl and will most likely be found standing at her kitchen counter reading a book at 11pm.  I love how she keeps herself so busy and has a very organized and structured life.  I love how she was actually crying at the Hallmark commercials on TV the other night.  I love that she is up for playing a game of "Hand & Foot" any day, any time, and usually wins.  I love that she is strong and independent, and even at 85 years old... she'll mow her lawn if I don't get there soon enough.  I love that she has taken up hobbies like pottery and ceramics and stained glass and organ and country dancing.  I love that she does most of her shopping at Savers and gets excited about her good bargains and finds.  I love that she lives so close and I can walk to her house if I need to.  I love that she hums to herself and always seems to be in such a good, jolly mood.  I love that she insists on making homemade lemon-flavored ice cream at family picnics and always has a good, creative jello to bring to any family function.

I love my grandma's poofy hair, knobby knuckles, and tiny feet.  She is as cute as can be and my only grandparent left living with us!  May she live many more years and have plenty of adventures to enjoy. :)