Quirks & Favorites

You know what I love?

I love in movies when it shows up close someone writing.  Usually it's some artistic angle of the pen or pencil scribbling out words on a piece of paper, and you can hear the scratchy or smooth movements of the hand-writing.  I love that.

I love when someone is typing in a movie (like "You've Got Mail") and it shows up close every little letter they're typing on the screen, as they usually read their thoughts aloud.  I also super love the sound of the keyboard tipper tapper typing away.

I love the smell of books.  I smell the inside of a book any time I open it to read.  I smell books in the store.  So what.  I don't have to be sneaky about it.  I just do it.

I love the sound of clicky shoes.  Not necessarily high heels (barf) but more like in movies when the cops or FBI guys are chasing down someone in the halls of a hospital.  Those kinds of clicky shoes.  My mom said when I was little I loved the sound of shoes and often judged whether or not I liked someone based on the sound of their shoes.  I think I've grown out of that phase.... maybe.

I love the sound of my little "text" chime.  Who doesn't?!  I often have "false alarms" in my head where I'm certain I just got a text but lo and behold, there is nothing there.  But I still love the chime.

I love the sound of a tennis match.  Especially the real ones on TV (which I don't really watch all that often) but I love the silence, except for the "pop" sound back and forth of the little tennis ball.  I love that.

What are some of YOUR favorites?  :)

Proud Parent

Well... I'm not really a parent yet, but remember how I feel like a mom to the teens at the Boys & Girls Club sometimes?  That means I get to be a proud parent sometimes. :)  My favorite teen girl recently got accepted to attend the "SOAR" program for a week at BYU this summer.  She applied for it all by herself and even got the scholarship she'd been hoping for.  I didn't really do much to help, other than check up on her in the computer lab and ask if she needed anything.  So when she showed me her "congratulations" e-mail today, I was soooo happy!  And excited.  And proud.  And even a little emotional inside.  This is my girl.  This is my challenge-- to get her out there and doing awesome things.  Her goal is to go to BYU and be a Cougarette.  I believe in her. :)    She is amazing and is far beyond where I ever was when I was her age.  Shoot, I don't know how I even managed to make it into BYU.  But I did, and that's all that matters.

I love feeling like a proud parent.

I love that she was super excited to show me the e-mail.

I love my job.

I love making a difference every single day.

I love my new ORANGE office!

Pictures to come soon...

p.s.  Does anyone else love "Parenthood"?  I'm only in the 2nd season as I watch the episodes on DVD.  Anyway... I love watching the relationship between Amber and her mom, Sarah develop and blossom.  Amber started out as such a hard-headed moody teen but she has her moments of softness and sensitivity.  I love those moments.  I love when teens like her let down their walls and allow me to be there with them for a minute.  Sometimes the walls go back up... some times they stay down.  Either way, I love the challenge.  And more importantly, I love the success!

Fresh Start!

I'm painting my office at work.

Guess what color I chose?

ORANGE!

Yes, I might be crazy.

And I am fully prepared to hate it once it's all finished.

But we have a huge group of volunteers coming to the Club this week and they are painting whatever we want them to  paint-- FOR FREE.  They provide everything.  All I had to do was pick out the color.

And that was hard.

I'm a huge orange expert.

Some shades of orange are just plain ugly.

Some are absolutely beautiful.

There is a "perfect" orange... but I'm not sure if I picked out that perfect shade.

It's so hard to tell just from looking at little color squares online.

So here's to crossing my fingers for the perfect orange-colored office!

All 4 walls of it.  :)

Here's the thing about my office at work:  I've never really made it "mine."

Maybe this is because my office is also the teen backpack drop-off point.

Or it is the teen "hide-out" when they want an excuse not to go to an activity.

Or it is used as an activity room when they need to use my computer.

My office is definitely not just "my office" where I can keep it neat and tidy and have all my special trinkets displayed.  No way.  I've had plenty of things disappear off my desk.  :)

For this reason, I've never tried to decorate or make it look like MY office.

It's just a space.

But this year it grew some personality.

I collected quite a few random Justin Bieber items that took up a good corner of the office.

I had fun posters or stickers or random hair balls or food wrappers or drawings or post-it notes or whatever kind of sentimental piece of anything I was given... it's on my wall.  

I have to take everything off my wall this week in preparation of the new paint job.

I'm terrible at throwing stuff away.  I kept a lot of it... but I threw away a lot too.

And now I have the big task of deciding what to do with my walls when it's time to re-decorate!

I want to make it more of MY office... and with that orange, there's no question it's MY space.

I will for sure have a Justin Bieber corner.  It's mostly for the teens.  :)

Maybe I'll add a few other celebrity heroes or "idols" so Justin doesn't rule the house.

I'd love to put up a little of my own personality of some of my interests:

Guitar

Running

My dog

Well... I sat here trying to think of more and I feel pretty lame now.  I can't think of anything. :)

Maybe I'll throw up some family pictures or cool accomplishments.

I do have cool award plaques and framed things that I've acquired over the years.

At least I have those up in my office. :)

I'm all about bright colors so I just want it to be bright and happy.

I'm acquiring a huge liking for lime green these days.

I don't think it could ever replace my passion for orange... but I'm liking it a lot.

I'll for sure post pictures of my new office once it's all put together within the next week or so.

I never realized how much I dis-liked those light dingy blue-gray walls.

Here's to a fresh start and a happy new office! :)

Bounce Back

I love Sundays because they bring out a lot of emotion.  Sometimes it is emotion connected to feeling the Spirit.  Sometimes it is emotion from exhaling after a long and stressful week.  Sometimes it is emotion reflecting on my life and all the unknowns.  Sometimes it is emotion for love towards others, especially my family.  Sometimes it is emotion simply because I am a girl.

Today was filled with plenty of emotions, and it felt good.  I sat through a Young Women lesson on how the girls can prepare to be mothers and my eyes were filled with tears the entire time.  I was embarrassed because I didn't want the teacher to think I was offended or emotionally unstable because I am "32 and single and not a mother."  No, I don't give myself that pity party.  But nevertheless, I was all sorts of teary-eyed!  I thought of how far I am from being a mother... I need to get the whole dating game down first and sometimes I'd rather just be a mom.  But I thought of all the kids at work who have made a little snide comment like, "Bree, you're just like my mom!"  And I decided today... I'm totally okay with that.  I love that I can be a mom to someone!  So next time one of the teens tell me I'm like their mom, I will sincerely thank them.  Then tell them to go home and clean their room.  :)

A friend of mine sent me a nice message this week, commenting on how much she admires my positive attitude.  I really appreciate her sharing that with me, because believe you me, it isn't easy.  However, I've never been one to fall into deep depression or really let myself wallow in sorrow and pity.  I distinctly remember a time back in 2005 when a summer fling with a boy ended in a slap in the face heartbreak, and before I had any time to manage my emotions, my brother-in-law said the following:

"Bree... don't write a song about this one.  Just keep going.  Don't let yourself get depressed."  

Maybe it wasn't that, word for word, but I do remember him specifically telling me not to write a song about it.  Haha.  Often-times music is my "go to" for dealing with my emotions, and I can fall into a zone of whatever-ness and not really snap out of it for a while.  I've written plenty of "crap, it didn't work out" love songs and they helped me get past the situation.  I'm glad my brother-in-law told me to just move on from that one, and I did.  Maybe I cried a little and felt really sad, but I was able to bounce back and keep going.  

I guess that's how I deal with most things in my life now.  I make myself bounce back because I refuse to miss out on what could be an awesome day or a new friendship... because I was stuck in a state of sadness or frustration.  Right now I am totally distracted by my job and I love it.  The relationships I have with so many of those kids are priceless and I wouldn't trade them for anything.  They give me purpose and meaning and sincerely make me happy.  I'm grateful for close friends and my family for just keeping it real and supporting me in the various adventures of my life.  I'm grateful for people at church who acknowledge my "example" or my "optimism" or whatever it is they have observed.  And I'm grateful for my cuddly dog. :)

This morning I spent some time reading an Ensign article that we had been encouraged to read at a stake meeting this week.  It is by Elder David A. Bednar entitled The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality.  It was just what I needed to read and I really liked everything Elder Bednar shared.  A quote I really liked said the following:

"As you and I come to understand and employ the enabling power of the Atonement in our personal lives, we will pray and seek for strength to change our circumstances rather than praying for our circumstances to be changed."

And I think that pretty much sums up my perspective on bouncing back.  Don't let your life be determined by someone else or something else... but keep on pressing forward and take control of what is in your power to control.  The Lord is there to help us and lift us however we need, but we need to be willing to take our own steps toward wherever it is we want to be.  

I have no idea where I want to be. :)

But I at least know the direction to be heading... so I'll just keep going!

Saved by Music

Over the past few weeks I've developed a playlist on my iPod that I absolutely love.  Most of the songs I've been introduced to by the teens I work with, or these songs are always playing when I'm driving the van for a field trip or something.  In any case, they give me immediate happiness.

I used to love to talk on the phone during my 30 min. commute home.  Now when I get in my car I crave my play list and as soon as I set it on shuffle, I'm in a complete happy zone for the next 30 minutes.  I love it.    I need that 30 minutes to exhale at the end of each day.  

I really have been saved by music!  In every way.  Look up these songs if you haven't heard them, or let me know if you already love one of them!  I crave them all the time.  :)

"Good Feeling"-- Flo Rida

"We Are Young"-- Fun.

"Brokenhearted"-- Karmin

"The Sound of Sunshine"-- Michael Franti & Spearhead

"Drive By"-- Train

"Brighter than Sunshine"-- Colbie Caillat

"Firework"-- Katy Perry

"Tonight Tonight"-- Hot Chelle Rae

"Just the Way You Are"-- Bruno Mars

"Somebody that I Used to Know"-- Gotye

"Never Say Never"-- Justin Bieber

"Call Me Maybe"-- Carly Rae Jepsen

"Stronger"-- Kelly Clarkson

"Boyfriend"-- Justin Bieber

"Part of Me"-- Katy Perry

"Put Your Hearts Up"-- Ariana Grande

"Love You Like a  Love Song"-- Selena Gomez

"Glad You Came"-- The Wanted

"Favorite Song"-- Colbie Caillat

So there ya have it.  A complete list of random songs that make me smile at funny memories with the teens or give me happy, upbeat feelings.  Sure do love the power of music!

eHarmony Conclusion

I joined eHarmony.com the day after Christmas-- December 26, 2011.  I wanted to blog about my experience and am naturally an open person about my life.  I didn't know what would happen or if anything would come from eHarmony.  5 days later I received a match from Bellevue, Washington-- David-- who I decided to call "Washington Warrior" or "WaWo" for short. We sped through the eHarmony process and exchanged some really fun e-mails.  Within a few weeks we jumped to phone texts and phone calls, with an occasional Skype session here and there.

I met David in person for the first time on February 18th.  It was a fun weekend.  He came out to Utah again the weekend of March 17th.  I flew out to Washington the weekend of April 14th.  Most of you are aware of my roller coaster of emotions and my indecisive ability to just go with the flow and let life happen.  I think I think too much.  Or worry too much.  Or hope for too much.  Or idealize too much.  Or stress too much.  I am a girl.  Sometimes it's just hard being a girl.  And dating is hard.  And being single is hard.  So I don't have a good solution for that dilemma.

Well the eHarmony dating experience has come to an end.  David and I decided that it just isn't going to work out.  Long distance and communication barriers make relationships hard.  And that is the short and simple version.  I won't be going to WA this weekend but we will still be friends.  I think for now I need to not dwell on it and allow myself to think about other things.  But of course it is a mix of emotions and I'm taking it one day at a time.

So now it's back to Square 1.  eHarmony matches still come every now and then but none of them have appealed to me the way David did.  Most matches take me about 10 seconds to glance at a picture and read through their profile to know that it's not going to be anything to pursue.  I have wanted to quit eHarmony but I keep forgetting, and then I get charged for another month.  Dang it.  So maybe I'll let May roll out as it is... but I'm really not looking to jump into any dating right now. I'm really not good at it.

I have learned a lot.

There are many things I will do differently next time.

I can't change the past but I can plan to be awesome in the future.

And as for now... I'll hope that life will be good.

Letters to the Sky

Dear Baby Owen,

I've never seen a baby as tiny as you.  It's amazing!  You are adorable and I think you look so much like Bryan when he was little!  They'll be shaving your little head in no time so your funny little hair-line will grow back looking normal. :)  I love baby boys.  I love you.  You better get excited about the future aunt-nephew dates we'll have!

Dear First Grad School Instructor,

You intimidated me.  A lot.  I worked so hard to gain your approval and even practiced my presentations ahead of time.  I did ALL my reading and every little tidbit of homework.  I worked hard in your class and wanted to be a good student for you.  Well... my other teachers have been pretty chill and laid back, and much less intimidating.  It's been fun and I've learned a lot.  But I've totally slacked off in my work ethic and motivation to do all my reading.  I just do enough to get by and participate in discussions... but I'm not giving it 100%.  I miss your intimidating demeanor to keep me in line.  I hope I have you for an instructor again, but in the mean time, I'll try to do better on my own.

Dear Favorite Teen,

I'm glad you were there for me today.  It's funny sometimes because I think I need the Club more than you kids need me.  You make me smile and laugh.  I want nothing more than the best for you, and I will help you get there!

Dear David,

I'm sorry for all of it.  It has been a long process of learning.

Dear Cassity,

Thanks for thinking to call me today even though you had no idea why you needed to call me.

Dear Everyone,

Sometimes you wish you could just yell things out to the world but know that it's better to just keep some things to yourself.  Maybe I'll write a book one day.

Dear Lumpy Space Princess,

The teens introduced me to "Adventure Time" a few weeks ago and showed me a bunch of clips of you.  You are hilarious and I have laughed a lot in the past few days.  It feels good.  I think you are a ridiculous character and I think cartoons are dumb... but I absolutely love you.

Dear Sadie Skippy-doo,

I'm sorry I got new bed sheets.  I let you sleep in my bed before and we got to be all sorts of cuddly.  But now that I have new sheets and a new comforter... I want them to stay nice.  So no more bed time cuddles. I sure do love you though!  And miss you. :)

That's all for now.